I Finally Remembered You
by xanfan
Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in “I Will Remember You” Years later, he finally keeps his promise. XA
1. Chapter 1 Dreams Forgotten

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 1

Author: Xanfan27

Rating:M for future chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

"Don't do this."

"I have to, I can't risk you."

"Every day is a risk. I won't forget, no matter what you say, what you've done, I won't forget one moment."

"Yes, you will."

"How much time do we have?"

"A few moments."

"Tell me one more time."

"I love you, Xander."

"You're the first person who ever told me that, the first one to really mean it. I love you too…"

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

Xander sat straight up in bed and slammed a hand down on his alarm clock.

He lay back down and closed his eye, trying to retain memories of THAT dream. The dream that always slips away, right after he wakes. The dream that always leaves him with tears running down his face and a pain, in the general vicinity of his heart. The one he had been having for years, ever since he had driven Buffy & Dawn down to visit their dad after the Thanksgiving from hell. Buffy had sent him to go talk to Angel and tell him not to come back to "Her Town." He is pretty sure the syphilis was still talking when he agreed to the trip and the messenger boy role. He had had visions of Angel doing the whole kill the messenger thing.

It had really been a pretty uneventful trip, well, by Sunnydale standards. In the middle of the conversation, a demon had attacked and Angel had killed it with a lucky shot to the thing's forehead. Xander had been sent off to lunch with Cordy and he hadn't really seen much of Angel after that.

In fact, he hadn't really seen much of Angel at all in the years since.

I guess its not surprising, considering they never really got along. Xander had always given Angel more than his fair share of snark and attitude. At the time he told himself it was because Angel was a vampire, or because Buffy loved Angel and not him. Later, as he had become more comfortable with himself and his "manliness" he realized it was probably the other way around. Angel loved Buffy, and not him.

Not that he had been in love with Angel, but he realized now, that he had been attracted to him. It was the first time that he had lusted after another guy and it had wigged him out.

Xander finally gave up grasping at straws (or at least, grasping at faded dreams) and opened his eye.

Yes, eye. His eye, singular. Not two, but, one.

He really needed to get used to this, it had been over a year. But sometimes, he was still surprised by the fact that he only had one eye. He still had nightmares about that nutbar preacher, Caleb, thrusting his thumb into Xander's eye socket. That is, when he isn't having the dream that he can't remember.

Xander is not sure which one is worse.

Thump, Thump, Thump

"Yo, Boytoy, can you cover the windows in a couple of the rooms today?" Faith yells from the other side of the door.

Oh yeah, Deadboy, Fangless and his crew are getting here tonight. Can I still call him Fangless? He got the chip out. I might have to think up a new name for him. Deadboy Jr, Soulboy the Sequel, hmmm. I could always call him Buffy, since neither of them could manage to stay dead for very long. Or how about…

"Xander?" Faith interrupts his internal ramble.

"Sure, windows, no problem." Xander calls through the door.

"Cool," Faith calls back. He hears her footsteps fading down the hallway.

When The New Watcher's Council had heard, through contacts Giles didn't admit to having, what was going down in L.A. with the Blackthorn, they had sent a team of slayers and witches to help. Good thing, too. When they had arrived in the alley, shortly after the battle started, what was left of the Fang Gang was getting their asses, well and truly kicked. The slayers and witches, led by Faith and Willow, turned the tide and helped destroy everything that came at them. Xander had even heard that there had been a dragon slayed, or slain, or whatever. Apparently, Deadboy had gotten a little singed on that one, who knew dragons really breathed fire. Faith had told Xander that he would have been dust, if Willow hadn't started a little rainstorm in the alley.

Angel and his crew had stayed behind to help their wounded, and make sure that branch of Wolfram & Hart stayed down. It did. Stay down, that is.

Now Angel, Spike, and a couple of people Xander had never met, were coming to England to start over and maybe help out with the council and training baby slayers.

Xander, all around handyman/researcher/babysitter/big brother/shoulder to cry on, needed to get their rooms ready and vampire friendly.

_Never thought I would be making places safe for vampires, instead of safe from vampires. Oh well, I guess living with Spike off and on, had changed that. Now, where did I leave those black out curtains?_


	2. Chapter 2 Dreams Not Forgotten

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 2 – Dreams Not Forgotten

Author: Xanfan27 R/NC-17 for future chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

"Don't do this."

"I have to, I can't risk you."

"Every day is a risk. I won't forget, no matter what you say, what you've done, I won't forget one moment."

"Yes, you will."

"How much time do we have?"

"A few moments."

"Tell me one more time."

"I love you, Xander."

"You're the first person who ever told me that, the first one to really mean it. I love you too…"

Angel jolted awake as the plane started to make it's descent. He settled back in his seat as he tried to forget THAT dream. That same dream that had plagued him on a regular basis since THAT DAY, the day that everyone but him had forgotten. The dream that always left him with tears in his eyes and an ache in his chest. The dream that wasn't a dream, so much, as a memory.

Angel often wondered if he had made the right choice, if things would have been different. Would Cordy, Doyle, Fred & Wesley still have been lost to the fight? Wondered, might not be the right word, more like brooded about.

His boy loved to tease him about his "broodiness."

_But, he wasn't "His boy" now was he. _

And now, with Cordy gone, he was the only one who knew that Xander ever had been Angel's.

When he had told Doyle and Cordy about that day, he had expected Cordy to be mad about Angel being "with" her ex-boyfriend. He hadn't expected her to be mad about breaking Xander's heart and ruining the best thing that had ever happened to either of them. When Angel explained that Xander wouldn't remember the heart break, Cordy hadn't relented, saying that was even worse. Even Doyle had been confused by this conversation and had asked Cordy what she was talking about. What she said next, had broken Angel's heart all over again.

"No one has ever really shown Xander love. Not his parents, not his friends, not his best friend, not his "first," not even me." Cordy said sadly.

"What do you mean?" Angel asked.

"His parents are mean drunks, who yell at him constantly about being useless and worthless. His friends always push him aside and tell him he can't really help them. Willow pretty much abandoned him after "The Fluke" and had been pushing him aside since way before that, which is probably why "The Fluke" happened in the first place. Faith used him and kicked him out of her room, before the sweat was even dry."

"And what about you?"

"Me, I hid our relationship in a broom closet, too afraid of losing my social status. Then, when things got hard I dumped him and told him that he was worthless to everybody. I called him Donut Boy & Zeppo and told him nobody really wanted him around." Cordy winced are her own recap of the relationship.

"He said I was the only person who ever meant it," Angel whispered

"Meant what?" Doyle asked, having picked up the quiet remark with his half-demon hearing.

"Meant it when I said I loved him. I thought he was just being dramatic." Angel admitted.

"You were and he wasn't." Cordelia stated harshly, "He really needed to know, at least once, that someone really cared about him. You took that away from him. You may have been the first, but I hope for his sake, you're not the last. Because, if ever someone deserves to be loved, it's Xander."

It had taken Cordy awhile to forgive him. She had told him that he needed to stop playing God and making decisions for people, instead of with people. He knew that he had repeatedly failed to learn that lesson and had made similar mistakes with her. Now, he would never be able to make that up to her.

He had avoided Sunnydale, and particularly Xander, after that day.

Cordy had kept in contact with Willow and had taken great pains to repeat every word she learned of Xander's life. Eventually, Cordy and Willow had both gotten too busy to communicate much and contact between the gang had been pretty non-existent. He had managed to hear about Anya and that relationship, as well as the aborted wedding. He had hurt for the boy, but a part of him had been a little relieved. Of course, when he heard that Anya had died with the collapse of Sunnydale, he had felt guilty about feeling relief. That had started a whole other broodfest that had lasted for days.

Of course, hearing about all of Xander's exploits from Spike, and the grudging friendship the two had developed towards the end of Sunnydale, had been an experiment in torture. He wondered if Spike suspected something. He wondered if he got extra redemption points for not dusting his annoying childe.

The jolt of the tires hitting the tarmac jerked Angel's thoughts back to the present.

_What was it going to be like, seeing Xander again? Would it be hard to wince at the term "Deadboy" instead of smiling? Did Xander remember anything? Would Xander be hostile and insulting? Would he be able to resist grabbing and kissing the boy within an inch of his life? When had he started babbling in his head?_

"Oi, Peaches, you comin' or what?" his ever so eloquent childe called, from the front of the plane.

Angel took an unneeded breath and stood up. As he exited the privet jet, a perk he had kept from Wolfram & Hart, he spotted Faith waiting for them next to big SUV.

"Fang!"

"Hello Faith, looking wonderful as always," Angel replied to her enthusiastic greeting.

"Thanks. Hi, Gunn, Ilyria, Spike. Come on, put your bags in the back and saddle up." Faith gestures to the SUV.

A half hour later and several miles later, Faith looks over at Angel, "You look like crap."

"Thank you." Angel says wryly.

"The bints right Peaches, you look like shite."

"I've had a hard couple of …. years." Angel says, in his own defense.

"Yeah well, you can rest when we get back to HQ. Xander made sure your rooms don't get any sunlight and even sun proofed some of the common rooms. Actually, he'll probably still be finishing when we get there." Faith said.

"Oh, that's nice," Angel tried to sound casual.

Apparently, he wasn't that successful, because he heard a sub-vocal snicker coming from Spike's direction, in the back.

A few minutes later they were pulling into a very large estate. When they stopped in front of the main building, Andrew rushed out and Giles followed at a rather more sedate pace.

"Yo, G, what's up." Faith greeted.

"Faith, that is almost worse that Xander's G-man nickname."

Faith smirked unrepentantly.

"I see you work successful in your excursion."

"If that means I managed to pick them up at the landing strip and get them here mostly in one piece, then yes, I was." Faith smiled at Giles.

"Welcome Angel & company, let's get you inside and Faith will show you to your rooms." Giles said.

"Yo, Andy, do you know what rooms Xander got ready for Fang and Little Fang?" Faith asked.

"Oi, I'm not little!" Spike muttered.

"No Slayer Faith, I am not sure what rooms he prepared, perhaps we should go ask him."

"Andy, chill with the Slayer Faith crap."

"Sorry Faith."

"So where is Xander?" Faith asked the younger boy.

"Working on something, somewhere. It shouldn't be that hard to find him."

"No kidding, I'll just follow the crowd." Faith smirked.

"The crowd?" Gunn asked, before Angel got the chance.

"Yeah, 20something man doing sweaty, manual labor in a house full of teenage girls? You gotta believe there'll be a crowd." Faith laughed.

Angel took another unneeded breath. _Oh God, a sweaty Xander, how was he going to survive that?_

As they walked into the building, a low hum of whispering and giggling could be heard coming from a doorway to the left.

"Ah, he must be working on those cabinets in the training room." Giles stated.

"Come on, let's go ask him where your rooms are." Andrew said, excitedly. Not because he wanted to see a sweaty Xander, at least, that is what he told himself.

They made their way down the stairs and the giggling and whispering grew louder and eventually became what some would call a din.

A group of girls were crowded around and in a doorway. The occasional dramatic sigh could be heard.

"Break it up ladies, we need to ask Xander something." Faith called over the din.

The girls began to scatter, and the group made their way to what was apparently the training room.

Once inside they saw what the girls had been sighing over. Xander, in a sweat dampened t-shirt, jeans, work boots and a carpenter's belt, maneuvering a somewhat large cabinet into place. His head was bopping along to whatever music was coming through his head phones.

"Yo, Boytoy, we got guests." Faith shouted, to be heard over his music.

Xander let go of the cabinet and turned around, raking his eye over the group at the doorway.

_Wait! His eye? Since when did Xander only have one eye?_

Angel turned to Spike and said sub-vocally, "Was there something you forgot to tell me?"

Spike looked slightly panicked and replied just as quietly, "I'll explain later."


	3. Chapter 3 Daydreams & Manly Screams

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 3 – Daydreams & Manly Screams

Author: Xanfan27 R/NC-17 for future chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Warm hands ghosted reverently over his body, stopping to caress here and there and _Oh God Yes_ there. A hot tongue lapped at the pulse point at his neck. His back arched when blunt teeth scrapped across his throat.

"Do that again!"

"You liked that, did you?"

"Hell yes, I liked that. Now, do it again!"

"My pleasure."

"I'm pretty sure it'll be mine, now shut up and DO IT AGAIN!"

A dark chuckle filled the air just before those wonderful teeth scraped across his neck again.

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

"Xander, are you coming down for breakfast?" a young voice asked through the door.

"I'll be there in a few minutes," he called back.

Xander scrubbed a hand over his face and tried to work up the energy to get out of bed. Another one of those damn dreams. Like the others, except he always needed a cold shower after this one.

_Or a warm shower, with the massaging setting on the showerhead pointed at that one spot and his hand covered in shower gel and …_

Best not go there, especially since he was expected at breakfast in a few minutes. Best think of something else. Baseball stats, isn't that what he was supposed to think about? Yeah baseball stats, damn, he didn't know any baseball stats. Football, yeah football, he would think of football. American or European football. Didn't matter, he didn't know stats for either one.

_Damn, he really needed to make guy friends. _

Okay, what is the most horrible thing he can think of? That's it, works every time. Shopping mall, day after Christmas, with Buffy, Dawn, & Willow. Who could keep a hard-on while thinking of that horror?

Xander stumbled out of bed and into his bathroom. He emptied his bladder, washed his hands, & brushed his teeth. He finally looked into the mirror and once again, was surprised to find only one eye looking back at him.

He remembered Angel's look of shock the evening before. Guess no one had bothered to tell him about Xander's eye. Maybe they thought he wouldn't care.

Speaking of Angel, Xander remembered the funny feeling he had gotten in his stomach, at seeing the dark haired vampire. There it was again, that feeling in his stomach, just thinking about Angel. What was it? The old attraction? It felt odd, yet strangely familiar. Like maybe, longing and sadness, mixed together. Where did it come from?

Soon, a very familiar feeling emanated from his stomach, pulling him from his Angel like brooding. A feeling very different from the one he had been thinking on. The growl that accompanied it, reminded him of his priorities. Food, in massive quantities, needed to be consumed, post-haste.

_Post-haste, and Giles thinks I don't pay attention when he talks._

Xander grabbed his eye-patch from the counter and adjusted it over his empty socket, and then pulled on a long-sleeved t-shirt to accompany the sweatpants he had slept in, and left his room; to make his way downstairs.

Xander, never one for a great deal of personal reflection and introspection, promptly forgot about his dream and Angel feelings, as he paid heed to one thing that really mattered, his stomach.

Several hours later, after breakfast and lunch, and three cat-fights (one over clothes and two over bathroom time), two "major" emergencies over broken doors (teenage girls with super strength, slamming doors after a temper tantrum, luckily he kept spare doors on hand for just such occasions) and Xander was back to installing the new cabinets in the training room.

Xander lost himself in the comfortably familiarity of manual labor and let his mind wander.

Warm hands ghosted reverently over his body, stopping to caress here and there and _Oh God Yes_ there. A hot tongue lapped at the pulse point at his neck. His back arched when blunt teeth scrapped across his throat.

"Do that again!"

"You liked that, did you?"

"Hell yes, I liked that. Now, do it again!"

"My pleasure."

"I'm pretty sure it'll be mine, now shut up and DO IT AGAIN!"

A dark chuckle filled the air, just before those wonderful teeth scraped across his neck again.

Xander was jolted from his day dream by the feeling of a hammer impacting his thumb. He immediately stuck the digit in his mouth, cursing around the injured extremity.

That would teach him to daydream.

_Wait, daydream? Since when did he have THOSE dreams during the day? While he was still awake?_

Xander could still here the voice from the dream and feel the teeth on his skin.

_Wait! He remembered this time! Cool. Why did the voice sound familiar? Why did the voice sound masculine?_

Xander knew he was attracted to both guys and girls, but, this was the first time he had a naughty touch dream about a guy.

Xander went to touch the place on his neck where the dream teeth had scraped, and was instantly, painfully reminded why his dream had been interrupted, when his abused thumb came in contact with his neck.

Xander didn't scream like a girl, really he didn't. It was more of a manly yelp. Okay, okay, he screamed like a little girl in knee socks and pig tails, but it really hurt.

An instant later, Xander felt an odd feeling in his stomach, followed by a dark chuckle. A chuckle that was oddly reminiscent of the one from his daydream.

He whirled around, to find Angel standing in the doorway, smirking at him.

_What the hell? Why does Angel remind me of my dreams? Why does he make my stomach feel all fluttery? Did I just use the word "fluttery?" That's it, I am officially a chick. Have I mentioned how I really need some guy friends? Now, what was I freaking out about?_


	4. Ch 3b More Daydreams and Manly Screams

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 3b - More Daydreams and Manly Screams

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for future chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Angel stood in the doorway, chuckling over the curses Xander was using, as well as the obvious internal ramble.

"I didn't realize that you knew some of THOSE words, Xander."

"Deadboy, good to see you still enjoy my suffering. And THOSE words I learned mostly from Spike."

"I never enjoyed your suffering, really. Well, maybe a couple of times, but, only in the early days. You know, until I realized all the snark was just a defense mechanism."

"Defense Mechanism! Please, do not start psychoanalyzing me. I have enough problems with that from Wills."

"How is Willow? Where is Willow?"

"Willow is fine, great even. She and her girl, Kennedy, are on their way back here from Hawaii as we speak."

"Hawaii?"

"Searching out new slayers."

"Really?" Angel asked, doubtfully.

"Yeah, I didn't buy that either. I'm pretty sure they just went for the beaches. I don't think Giles was fooled either, but, he hasn't said anything, so, I'll just torment her in private about it later."

"That's my boy."

"YOUR boy?"

"Uh, as in, uh, my friend, Xander. Yeah. Anyway. So, when do they get in?"

"Whatever. They are getting in tomorrow morning."

"How is she doing, with the magic and all?" Angel asked, more to extend the conversation than anything else.

"Shes doing really well. I'm not sure exactly how, but the slayer spell pretty much cleansed her magic of the dark taint. Not completely, but mostly." Xander replied, smiling a little at the thought of his Wills.

_Look at that smile. How can anyone not fall in love with that smile?_

"We didn't really get a chance to talk yesterday evening." Angel began.

"Nope, we didn't." Xander said absently, his mind having gone back to his poor thumb. He popped the digit back in his mouth, hoping that would help.

_Oh God! Look at him sucking on that thumb. NO, wait, don't look. Looking will only cause trouble. Looking will only cause you to grab him and kiss him and then pick him up and sling him over your shoulder and …. Stop that Angel! Okay, I really need to stop talking to myself in the third person. Why is Xander staring at me like that? Could it be because I'm staring at his mouth and not talking? Maybe I should start talking now. _

"So. How are you doing?" Angel said, in a choked voice.

"I'm good."

"Good, that's good." Angel returned lamely.

"Actually, I could use your help."

"Really?" Angel asked eagerly.

Xander looked down at his feet and muttered, "Couldyoutellmeifthecabinetiscentered?"

"What? Could you repeat that out loud and at a slower pace?" Angel asked, with no hint of exasperation that you would think he would feel. No, he almost sounded amused and indulgent.

Xander looked up, but didn't make eye contact.

"Could you tell me if the cabinet is centered? It's sometimes hard for me to judge distances and depth." Xander asked, speaking to Angel's shoulder.

Angel swallowed a painful lump in his throat, knowing it had to be hard for Xander to ask, not to mention, hard for Xander to ask Angel.

"Sure, I can do that." Angel managed.

"Looks centered to me." Angel said after a few moments.

"Thanks man." Xander said, grateful that Angel wasn't making a big deal over it.

"Spike told me what happened with your eye. No one had told me before, not even Buffy, when I saw her in Sunnydale before the battle. If I had known I would have…"

"Would have what?" Xander interrupted, half curious, half frustrated.

"I don't know, but I would have done something, I'm sure." Angel said sheepishly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to jump down your throat. It's just..." Xander paused.

"Just what?" Angel asked softly.

"Everyone does the whole pity thing, and it gets kinda old. Which is amusing, because sometimes, I forget I only have one eye, and then, when I remember, it's like it just happened." Xander couldn't believe he was opening up to Angel, of all people. For some reason, he felt safe, like he could tell Angel anything and he wouldn't get mad or ridicule.

"Your allowed to feel frustrated and your allowed to have a hard time adjusting." Angel said kindly.

"I know. I just…sometimes, people won't even look at my face. And when they do…Willow gets this sad look in her eyes and her lip quivers. Giles just looks guilty, I don't know why, it's not like he could have done anything. And Buffy, well, she ran away to Rome, so that she wouldn't have to look at me anymore."

"I'm sure that's not…" Angel began lamely.

"And the worst part is, she took Dawn with her. Dawn was the only one, other than Faith, who would look at me like I'm still Xander, like I'm a regular person." Xander's voice was a mixture of sadness and anger.

Angel felt a little guilty for the intense rush of anger he felt for Buffy at that moment. He wanted nothing more than to yell at her for hurting His Boy.

Angel also wanted nothing more than to take His Boy in his arms and hold on to him and never let him go. He settled for placing a hand on Xander's shoulder.

What happened next surprised them both.

Xander, at the touch of Angel's hand on his shoulder, leaned into it. And then, stepped into Angel's arms, which immediately wrapped around him.

Angel was very glad that the whole happiness clause was no longer an issue, because, the feel of His Boy, in his arms again, was as close to "Pure Happiness" as he had been in a very long time.

Xander had never felt so safe or whole.

_Whole! What is that about? Why do I have a sudden urge to say, "You complete me." or "You had me at hello?" Why does this feel so right? Why am I not completely wigged by the thought of Angel holding me? Why am I still letting Angel hold me? Why haven't I jumped away, clinging to the last remnants of my heterosexuality? Why do I keep asking myself questions in my head?_

Xander had never felt this way before, but, for some reason, this felt very familiar, very right.

Xander rested his head on the broad shoulder of the man who held him close. Luxuriating in the comfort and safety to be found there. He nuzzled a bit against the shoulder before speaking.

"Can we stay here, like this, forever?"

A warm chuckle rumbled from the chest pressed against him.

"Well, we could, but, I think eventually, our various body functions would make it difficult and embarrassing," was the amused reply.

"Very funny Deadboy," he paused, "I guess I can't call you that anymore. What should I call you now, Liveboy? "

"Or not," came the sardonic reply.

"Or, I could just call you My Love." He said, with an uncharacteristic display of gooey feelings.

"I really like the sound of that," Angel replied," I can't call you "Harris" anymore either. What should I call you? Honey? Sweetums?" Angel teased.

"Uh, that would be a BIG no." Xander grumbled.

"Or, I could just call you Mine." Angel said, filling the endearment with all the love he felt for this amazing man in his arms.

Both Angel and Xander jerked away from each other.

"What was that?" Xander practically yelled. Okay, no practically about it, he did yell, loudly.

"What was what?" Angel hedged.

"That daydream thingy. That apparently shared daydream thingy." Xander said in a lower, but no less intense, tone.

"Uh. I don't know what you're talking about." Angel said, still refusing to make eye contact.

"Angel. Why did we share a daydream? Why did it feel real? And why did you have a heartbeat and a body temperature?" _Apparently I don't just ask numerous questions in my head_, Xander thought. "And why does the daydream feel more like a memory than anything else?"

Angel gulped. Loudly. Comically.

"Angel," Xander started menacingly, "you got some 'splainin to do."


	5. Chapter 4 Questions Asked

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 4 - Questions Asked

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for future chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Angel froze.

Xander narrowed his eyes and advanced towards Angel.

"Angel, what the hell is going on? Why did we both have one of my dreams, at the same time, when we weren't even asleep? Why aren't you completely denying knowing what I'm talking about?"

"Um, I don't know what you're talking about?" Angel offered, hesitantly.

"Too little, too late, Deadboy. I want to know what's going on and I want to know NOW!"

Angel hesitated. _What had happened? Did Xander remember that day? Wait, he said "my dreams" What does that mean?_

"What did you mean by having one of YOUR dreams?" Angel asked.

"Well, uh, I sorta, been having dreams like those for a couple a years. I didn't start remembering them until today. Usually, I forget right as I wake up."

"If you don't remember your dreams, how do you know they are the same?"

"I just know. I guess I sorta have the same feeling in my gut when I wake up from them." Xander muttered.

"Oh. Okay. How long did you say you've been having these dreams?"

"A few years. Since after the worst Thanksgiving ever. You remember, you came to Sunnydale to stalk Buffy and I got Syphilis from ghosts?" Xander replied.

"Yes, I remember. Then you came to L.A. to tell me to stay in L.A. per Buffy's orders."

"Yeah, I came, I left message, I didn't get killed, a demon got killed, I went to lunch with Cordy, I went shopping with Cordy, I pulled a muscle carrying all of Cordy's bags, I picked up Buffy and we went home." Xander recapped, Xander-style.

"Yeah, that's what happened all right. Nothing more, nope, that's all that happened." Angel babbled, Willow-style.

"That was very convincing Deadboy. Care to tell me what is really going on?"

"Can we go somewhere else to talk about this? I'm not sure how long we have until your fan club shows up and this may take awhile."

"Fan club?" Xander looked very confused.

"You know, the gaggle of girls that stand around waiting for you to work up a sweat so they can ogle you?" Angel teased.

"Oh, them. The only other guys here are Giles aged and Andrew. They're pretty hard up for people to Ogle. Maybe now that you and your team are here, they'll follow you around and giggle?" Xander ended hopefully.

Angel groaned in horror at that thought.

"You know, assuming you survive the telling of whatever it is you have to tell me," Xander snarked.

"So, somewhere more private? Preferably, somewhere without sharp wooden objects."

"Privacy is pretty hard to come by around here. But, I do have a place. You know, a thinking spot. No one else goes there."

"Sounds perfect." Angel said.

"It is under a tree, so not much I can do about the whole no wooden things."

"I guess it will have to do. Should I get my coat?"

"Yeah, I'll meet you at the front door in a few minutes." At that, Xander left the training room.

Angel couldn't believe what was happening. _Why had Xander been having dreams about that day? Why was he starting to remember them now? What the hell was that shared daydream thing?_

Angel made his way to his room, then, down to the front hallway. The sun had just set, so that wouldn't delay this confrontation.

When Xander came down a few moments later, he silently acknowledged Angel and headed out the door, expecting Angel to follow.

Angel took a deep, unneeded breath and followed his boy, trailing after him on a path that meandered along the edge of a nearby wooded area. He mentally tried to prepare himself for a conversation that could be either his worst nightmare or his greatest dream come true. Xander's reaction would decide which it was.

This was either his chance at getting back his boy, his love, or he stood to lose the little bit of hope he had harbored all these years. The hope, that one day, his boy would come back to him.

If he lost that, what would he have left? Nothing. That hope was what had sustained him, allowing him to continue the fight. Thoughts of his boy had caused him to have "The Epiphany" after sleeping with Darla. It was thoughts of Xander's inner strength that had allowed Angel to survive loosing Conner, both times.

Angel wasn't sure he could survive without the hope of "someday" with Xander.

His Boy finally came to a halt in front of a massive oak tree. Xander sat down on one of the huge roots at its base. Angel sat down on another, facing him.

"So, Deadboy, what the hell is going on?"


	6. Chapter 5 Questions Answered?

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 5 – Questions Answered?

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for future chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The next several chapters are going to be one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

"Well," Angel began hesitantly, "I'm not quite sure where to start."

"Why not at the beginning?" Xander replied, with little patience.

"The world is far older than…"

"Not quite that far back," Xander snickers at Angel's attempt at humor.

"Well, it started like this…"

Flashback

Angel winded up an old clock and set it on the desk in his office. The clock said 8:53. He then checked the table's surface. He puts a pencil down at one end and watched it roll across his desk.

Cordy and Doyle were watching from the outer office.

"When did he get back?" Cordy asked

"Late last night."

"And?" 

"Ah, he seemed fine."

"He saw Buffy. He was in Sunnydale for three days, tracking her and that thingymagiggy you saw in your vision. Where is the crabby scowl, the morbid gloom?

This just means that it cut deeper then usual. Batten down the hatches, here comes Hurricane Buffy."

"You think? Maybe he's over her."

Cordy patted Doyle on the shoulder condescendingly, "You have so much to learn little Irish man."

Cordy turned and saw Angel take a stake out of his desk drawer and test its tip with his finger.

"Oh, my God!"

Cordy ran into the office with Doyle right behind

"Don't do it, Angel!"

"Listen to me, man, it's not worth it."

"It's not?" Angel replied, confused.

"No! You can't let her get to you like this. You'll meet someone else. Just give it some time."

Doyle held out a hand for the stake. "Why don't you let me have that?"

"Because I need it to level my desk," Angel says, as he bent down to stick the tip of the stake under one of the table's legs. "The floor is uneven." Angel said, with a smirk. "You two thought.."

"Doyle did. You know how he jumps to conclusions, 'cause you saw Buffy."

"It wasn't a social call. I was there to protect her. I stayed out of sight. She didn't even know I was there."

"Really? So you avoided her."

"Look, Buffy is always going to be a part of me, and that's never going to change. But she's human and I'm… not. And that's also never going to change. We said our good-byes, no need to stir any of this up again."

"You don't want to 'stir', but if my ex came to town and was all stalking me in the shadows and then left and then didn't even say 'hello' I'd be.." Cordy trailed off.

"A little upset?" Xander said from door. "Yeah, she was."

"Speaking of exes coming to town with no notice." Cordy muttered.

"Xander! Xander's here … in town. What brings you to.." She said in a louder tone.

"I came to drop off Buffy to see her father. She thought I should stop by. Deliver a message."

"She couldn't do her own dirty work?" Cordy muttered, again.

"Cordelia, how are you?" Xander said, amused.

"Good. I'm good. You?"

"I've been better. I got syphilis from an avenging Chumash spirit… I got better."

"Uh-huh." Cordy didn't quite know what to say to that, so she ignored it. "Well, this is Doyle. And he gets visions of people in trouble."

"Nice to make your.." Doyle began.

Cordy grabbed his arm, tugging him out of the office. "And this is us leaving you two alone. Angel, try not to kill the messenger." 

Xander watched them leave, then turned back to Angel.

"Well, umm, it's good to.. Can I get you anything?" Angel offered, awkwardly, trying not to stare at the young man. _Wow, he looks good. Has he always looked this good?_

"How about an explanation? " Who does he think he is coming to my town and following me around behind my back?" end quote Buffy." Xander made sarcastic quote marks with his fingers.

"I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of all this." Angel looked pained.

"What is this? Some new torment you cooked up just for her?" Xander accused. 

"No, I don't want to torment.."

"What is it? You can see her, but she can't see you? What are you playing at here?"

"I'm not. I'm not playing at anything. I wrestled with this decision.."

"Which you made without her." Xander interjected.

"I tried to do what I thought was right. It's complicated how this all happened, Xander, you know? It's kind of a long story."

"You're new sidekick had a vision, Buff was in it, you came to Sunnydale?"

"Okay, maybe not that long."

"You didn't feel that she was important enough to even tell her that you were there."

"I'm trying to explain. It's because I felt that she's important that I didn't tell her."

"She's a big girl now, Angel. None of us are in High School anymore. A lot has happened in her life since you left."

"I know. I respect that."

"And she doesn't need you skulking around, trying to protect her. Hello, Slayer."

Angel looked down and misses Xander's knowing smirk.

"Unless, of course, she's in some gigantic fight to the death, like she was last night. That was you, helping her, wasn't it?"

"I was in the neighborhood - skulking." Angel replied, with a slight smile.

"I figured as much. She didn't really listen to me when I tried to tell her that. Big surprise. So, here I am to deliver the message, and under strict instructions not to come back dead."

Doyle and Cordy were in the outer office.

"So that's Xander." Doyle said, trying not to be jealous of Cordelia's ex.

"That's my Xander."

"Your Xander?"

"Figure of speech."

"Well, he seemed a little.."

"Horrifically geeky in that shirt?"

"Actually, I kinda liked that shirt. No, I was going to say pale."

"Yeah, I guess contracting a potentially lethal disease will do that to you." Cordelia said, offhandedly, as she picked up her purse. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"Oh, they'll be into this for a while. We still have time for a cappuccino and probably the director's cut of 'Titanic'."


	7. Chapter 6 Questions Answered Yet?

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 6 – Questions Answered Yet?

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for future chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The next several chapters are going to be one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from Buffyworld

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

FLASHBACK continues

"I'm sorry if I handled this wrong. I mean, what else was I supposed to do?" Angel inquired, again; trying not to stare at Xander. He also tried not to notice how the boy had filled out over the summer.

"I don't know. I just know that when you're around, whether she sees you or not, she ends up hurt. I know it's not entirely your fault."

"You do?" Angel asked, surprised, by the admission.

"Yeah, I do. I finally figured out that relationships go both ways. I guess I grew up some, it throws me." Xander looked a little nonplussed at the thought

"Throws me, too." Angel was half serious. Xander had never really given him the benefit of the doubt before and he was a little, well, thrown, by it.

"So, let's just stick to the plan, for her sake. You keep your distance until a lot of time has passed. Given enough time she should be able to.." Xander tried to get the conversation back on track.

"Forget?' Angel had a hint of pain and resignation in his voice.

"Yeah…Right, I was going to say, heal, maybe grow up a little… So, message sent and those of us who came into the room not dead are still, you know, not dead. I'll just…"

As Xander turned to go, a green skinned Samurai demon, with a curved sword and a red jewel in his forehead; crashes through the window behind Angel and attacked him.

_Damn, I jinxed myself_. Xander thought

Angel barely avoided the first stroke of the demon's sword, as he rolled across his desk.

"Angel!" Xander called out in fear and alarm.

Xander tripped the demon back against the wall; Angel came up and threw an ax at it.

Cordy and Doyle were about to leave the office when they hear the sounds of fighting.

"Did you hear that?" Doyle asked in alarm

"Yeah, the Angel and Xander show. First they snark at each other, then they punch each other."

"Shouldn't we.."

"Stick our noses where they don't belong and get them flattened? No thank you." Cordy ushered Doyle out of the office.

Xander and Angel continued to fight the Samurai. Angel slid across the floor, picking up the demon's sword and stabbed it in the gut while it is still wrestled with Xander. Some of its fluorescent green blood ran down the sword onto Angel's hand. The demon jumped back, causing Xander to land on top of Angel. Then the demon pulled the sword out and jumps out of the window.

Angel and Xander were still lying on the floor. Xander was still on top of Angel. They both wondered why they hadn't moved yet. Xander shifted and they both startled a bit, as their matching hard-ons made contact. They stared at each other, then jumped up and apart.

"Friend of yours?" Xander asked about the demon, pretending nothing had happened.

"Never saw it before." Angel replied, following Xander's lead in the whole avoidance thing.

"It was rude. We should go kill it."

"I'm free."

"Me too, Buffy's dad is going to drive her home in a few days. Got somewhere I can change?" Xander said, looking down at his torn shirt.

Angel and Xander were tracking the demon through the sewer tunnels. Well, Angel was tracking and Xander was pretty much just following him.

"It's heading towards the ocean." Angel indicated.

"Are you sure?"

"It's wounded. I can smell its blood."

"Oh. Great. Handy skill. And can I say, "Ew!" Xander wrinkled his nose at that thought.

_Adorable. He's adorable. Wait, did I just think that Xander Harris is adorable!_

Angel was jerked out of THAT thought when Xander continued to speak.

"Maybe if your crack staff hadn't run off at the first sign of trouble they could have helped us with some research. Find out what this thing is and why it wants to kill you."

A rustling sound was heard and Xander spun around, stake in one hand and an axe in the other.

"It's just a rat. So, you can put the stake down. It's not a vampire. I don't know why you brought that anyway."

"Because, I always have one with me and I know how to use it. Besides, it's not the only thing that could be down here." Xander reminded him.

"You should be fine then, unless he chops the stake in two and maybe takes some of your hand with it." Angel snarked back.

"Look, can we just get on with the hunting? I'd like to get this over with before dark."

"I can handle this myself." Angel said, a little reluctantly.

_Reluctantly? Why am I so eager to spend time with Xander?_

"You bailed us out last night. I'd like us to be even." Xander replied, a little hurt at the thought that Angel might not want to spend time with him.

_Why do I want Angel to want to spend time with me? _

"We're keeping score now?" Angel asked, sardonically.

Xander ignored that. "Are you getting anything? Because I sure smell sewer and more sewer."

Angel smelled the green goo he had just swiped off the wall of a tunnel junction with his fingers. "Tunnel number one it is."

They went through the mouth of a tunnel. He blinked his eyes, frowning.

"Angel? You okay?"

"I feel weird."

"I know. I do, too. I mean, I only came to see you so I could give you Buffy's message face-to-face to let you know not to see her…face-to-face anymore, and I know there is a fly in the logic ointment here somewhere, probably would have sounded better coming directly from Buffy, but.. The next thing I knew we're being attacked by this mutant ninja demon thing, and then we're on the floor on top of each other, and that was just weird." Xander's babble ended lamely.

"No, I meant I felt weird from the demons blood. It's powerful." Angel said, as he examined the hand he had touched the blood with.

"Oh. Okay." Xander said, intensely embarrassed, "Let's just rewind Xander's little ramble and pretend it never happened."

"No. I-It is confusing. And I.. Buffy, When we're apart – it's easier. It hurts, every day. But I live with it. Because we are over, it can't work between us. Clause or no clause. We just didn't make sense." Angel said, as he took a step closer to Xander. "And now you're here. And the thing in the office was weird and confusing, but not necessarily unpleasant."

Xander took a step closer to Angel, "Not unpleasant, at all. And with Buffy, I mean, what else can you do? It doesn't work with you two. It can't."

"No, I-I can't give her a life, or a future or anything a real girl would want." Angel moved forward a little more.

Xander also moved forward, "Do you still miss her?"

"Not at this very moment." Angel replied, staring into his eyes.

"Are we letting something happen here? Nothing's changed. We don't even like each other. Do We?" Xander asked, more than a little confused by the situation and his own feelings.

"No we don't, but, right now, I can't remember why." Angel inched closer.

"Oh, boy." Xander looks around for a distraction, "I, uh, did you hear that?"

"What?"

"Hear something coming from over there, you know, something that will save us from embarrassing ourselves and making a huge mistake."

"Some indefinable sound coming from far away, that you could hear, but, I couldn't pick up with my acute vampire hearing?" Angel asked, amused.

"Could we just…find this thing and get this finished? Oh look, a ladder! What if it went up?"

"Into the day, where it knows I can't follow."

"But I can." Xander headed towards the ladder.

"Uh, I…I don't want you going after it alone." Angel said with concern, straining with the effort not to reach out and touch Xander.

"Look, its best all around if we just split up. I'll try and follow it, then, come back and tell you where it is."

Angel paused to consider, "There's a dive on Second near Beach, The Lone Bar. Demons go there sometimes when they need to get patched up."

"Got it." Xander said over his shoulder, as he climbed the ladder.

"Be careful." Angel whispered.


	8. Chapter 7 Questions Answered Yet Again?

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 7 – Questions Answered Yet Again?**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for future chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The next several chapters are going to be one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from Buffyworld.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

FASHBACK still continues.

Angel made his way back through the tunnels. Suddenly the demon jumped out and attacked him from behind slicing across the palm of Angel's hand as he spun around. Angel, momentarily stunned, looked at the blood on his hand then vamped out and attacked the demon. The confined space made the battle difficult. The demon cut off the head off Angel's battle-ax. Angel, with a moment of luck, knocked the sword out of the demon's hand. The demon pulled another short sword and the fight continued. Angel managed to grab the demon's sword hand and turn it's hand to stab it in the heart with it's own sword. The demon fell back as Angel stared at the glowing green blood that covered his own cut hand.

The blood swirled around and sunk into his cut, which closed up in front of his eyes. A light raced from his right hand through his whole body, as Angel collapsed with a strangled cry. Angel came back up, gasping for air, startled by the sound of a heart beating. HIS heart beating.

Angel starred at his hand in wonder, "I'm alive."

Cordy and Doyle entered the office.

Doyle saw the destruction in Angel's office, and exclaimed. "Whoa, when they fight.."

"Oh, my God!" Cordy shrieked

"What?"

"He killed him!" Cordy then realized the pile of dust is not Angel, "Oops! My bad. It's just dust I forgot to sweep under the rug."

"What, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Doyle cried.

"Hey, don't blame me if he's too cheap to hire a Cleaning Lady!"

Angel walked into the outer office, looking stunned.

"What's wrong? What happened? Did you kill Xander and hide the body? Watch it, Doyle, don't get too close. Hey, you walked in the front door - from the street! You got.."

"Yeah."

"An umbrella!"

Angel moved to stand in the ray of sunlight streaming in through the window.

"He's alive, Cordelia." Doyle said with wonder.

"Who, Xander?"

"No Princess, Angel is alive."

"Alive?"

"Xander and I were attacked by some kind of demon. I- I tracked it…and killed it. A-and some of its blood mixed with mine."

"And you wound up with a pulse?" Doyle asked, feeling Angel's wrist.

"I want to find out what kind of a demon that was. Ow, my back. It hurts. Everything's.."

"More real, now that you're real?"

"Yeah. I'm mortal now. I have a mortal body. And I'm so - hungry!"

Cordy jumped out of his way as he came toward her. "Look out, he's gonna eat… everything in sight!" She said with confusion, as he practically ripped off the door of the mini fridge she had been standing in front of.

"Oh my God. Food. This is unbelievable. This is so.. You know, I forgot how good it all tastes when you're alive!"

"Yeah, and they didn't even have Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip when you were alive." Cordy replied.

"Mmm, I want some! Can you get that?"

"It'll go straight to your thighs."

"Uhm, chocolate! Oh, (Laughs) chocolate!"

"All right, all right, we need to focus here. We need to try and find out.."

"I love chocolate!" Angel said around the treat in his mouth. "Uh, but not, as it turns out, yogurt. Urgh!"

"Orson! We're in a situation here."

"Right. I know. You're right. Let me think, and now my stomach's killing me. Cordelia, find Xander. He's in Santa Monica, near the Lone Star. Tell him I killed the demon."

"Okay."

"Oh, wait! Don't tell him what's happened to me. Not until I know what it means."

"All right."

A little while later, the three of them are hunched over some books.

"That's it." Angel pointed to a picture in one of the books.

"It's called a Mohra demon. They're pretty powerful assassins, soldiers of darkness kind of thing. They take out warriors for our side, like you. 'Needs vast amounts of salt to live'."

"It was heading towards salt water."

"'Veins run with the blood of eternity.' There it is. Its blood has regenerative properties."

Angel didn't glance up from where he stared at his reflection in a window, "Which explains what happened to me. But it doesn't explain why."

"Hey, what difference does it make, man? The demon's dead, you're alive! It's happy fun time."

"What's going on here, Doyle?"

"I don't know. I thought the only way for you to be made mortal was if the Powers-That-Be stepped in."

"What, they could have done this? How come I keep getting the feeling that you're not telling me everything?" Angel asked.

"Because I'm not. We're both on a need to know basis here."

"I need to know about this. Is this permanent? Am I - am I normal Joe now? Can I have a normal life? I want to speak to the Powers-That-Be."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! That's easier said then done, bud. The Powers-That-Be don't live in our reality. You have to approach them through channels. Dangerous channels."

"Yeah, you know what? Start approaching!"

"All right. All right. Maybe we can try the Oracles. But hey, if they turn you into a toad…don't say I didn't warn you."


	9. Chapter 8 Questions Answered Still?

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 8 – Questions Answered Still?

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for future chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The next several chapters are going to be one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from BuffyWorld

Wordsin _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

FLASHBACK still continues, yes, still.

Angel and Doyle look at a white stone arc in one wall.

"'The Gateway for Lost Souls' is under the post office?" Angel queried.

"It makes sense if you think about it. Now listen, the Oracles are finicky and unpredictable. You do get in, don't dilly-dally. Ask your questions, get out."

"Aren't you coming?"

"Not allowed. I'm just a lowly messenger, you're a warrior.. if your heart is pure, and I do this right.." Doyle muttered, as he placed herbs in an urn, 'We beseech access to the knowing ones..' We may just survive." Doyle lit the herbs in the urn and it filled with high flames. The arc glowed and filled with light. "You're in."

Angel stepped through the light, into a white marble chamber. Two blue figures appeared before him.

Man: "Come before us, lower being."

Woman: "What have you brought us?"

"Was I supposed to…" Angel began.

Man: "You call us forth and bring us no offering?"

"I brought you this." Angel handed over his watch

Woman held out her hand and the watch flew to her: "I like Time. There is so little and so much of it."

Man: "Well?"

"What's happened to me?"

Woman stepped to one side: "It's true then, brother."

Man on Angel's other side: "He is no longer a warrior."

"It was the demon's blood. It wasn't the Powers-That-Be that did this?"

Man: "The Powers-That-Be? Did you save humanity? Avert the Apocalypse?"

Woman: "You faced a Mohra demon. Life goes on."

"My life as a human. I'm not poisoned or under some spell?"

Woman looked up, after a beat: "The Auguries say no. If it has happened it was meant to be."

Man: "From this day, you will live and die as any mortal man."

Woman: "Privy to all the attendant pains - and pleasures."

Man: "That which we serve is no longer that which you serve. You are released from your fealty."

The woman and man walked away form him.

"That's it? I'm free?"

Man held up his hand and Angel goes flying backwards, out of the arc, to land on top of Doyle.

"Angel, it didn't work?" Doyle asked, as he helped Angel stand.

"Yes, it did."

"You just went in this instant."

"What?"

"Look at your watch."

"I can't do that, Doyle. Next time, remind me to bring a gift?"

"I knew I forgot something. So, what happened? What did they say?"

"They're a little confusing, but.. - the gist of it is - it's real. - I'm free."

"I can't believe this."

"Me either. I mean, what do I do now? - I have this whole new life spread before me. I don't know where to begin."

"Right. It's overwhelming. You can pretty much do what ever you want now. The question is, what do you want?"

At the moment, Angel could only think of one thing, person, that he wanted.

Xander walked in a park, overlooking the beach. He felt something and turned around to see Angel step through a shadowed arch in a hedge. He watched as Angel walked out into the sun and make his way towards him.

Xander began to walk towards Angel. He reached out his hand to touch Angel's face, feeling for himself that Angel is really there and _warm_? Angel turned his head to kiss the palm of Xander's hand, then reached out and pulled Xander to him. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, then, they both leaned in for a kiss.


	10. Chapter 9 Questions Answered even more

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 9 – Questions Answered even more**.

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/(NC-17 version at my website)

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The next several chapters are going to be one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from Buffyworld

Words in_ Italics_ indicate thoughts.

FLASHBACK continues.

The Clock on Angels desk read five o'clock.

Cordy fussed over a sickly plant, "This plant was thriving just this morning. Now look at it. I'm telling you, where he leads, dark forces follow."

"Xander gave it mites?" Doyle asked, with more than a little trace of doubt.

"How else do you explain it?"

"Jealousy?"

"I'm jealous? Of what?"

"Whatever is going on between the two of them."

"I'm not so much jealous, as confused. I mean, I thought they hated each other. Now they are joined at the hip? Locked down in there in Angel's apartment, alone, for the past 2 ½ hours, doing who knows what. Last time Angel did "who knows what" the world almost got sucked into hell."

"A) Angel's not cursed anymore. B) you don't even know what there doing down there; for sure. "

"Oh please! Angel hasn't had sex in over a year and Xander is still a horny teenager. "

"I thought Xander was into women, I mean, he is YOUR ex."

"It is so obvious, NOW, that all that "hatred" of Angel was really an act to cover his repressed bi-sexuality. My question is, why Angel is down there with Xander."

"He was a vampire, they'll do anything."

"Don't you mean do anyone?"

"Nope. Gender doesn't really matter to them. Species either, for that matter."

"Oh. ..ewwwwwww."

"Don't worry Cordy. I'm sure they're down there just having tea and crackers."

Down in his apartment, Angel and Xander sat at opposite sides of his kitchen table.  
Angel poured some tea, "Would you like some more?"

"No, thank you."

"I'm really sorry I kissed you like that."

"You are?" Xander said, hurt.

"Well, not for the kiss itself.."

Xander sighs in relief, "Good. I mean, 'cause, as far as kisses go, I thought it was well above average."

"It was incredible. I just, I-I think, maybe we'd be asking for trouble, rushing into things. Not that I don't want to rush. Believe me, I do."

"Right. You spoke to the Oracles and they said you were cured for good. But how do we know that they really speak for the Powers? I mean they could be… pranksters."

"Or there could be another loophole."

"Exactly. And then the two of us would be in deep and it's 'grr' all over again."

"It would be smart to wait a while. See if this mortal thing takes."

"Exactly. And even if it does, it's still complicated."

"And I'm not sure what I am now. I don't know what my purpose is. I can't just wedge myself into your life back in Sunnydale. It wouldn't be good for either of us. Not to mention the fact that you just started your new job. And what about slaying, you still help Buffy with that. I don't think she'd handle this well."

"Are you going to pull out a pie chart on me now? Because I get it, it's not necessary." Xander asked, angrily.

Angel moved to sit next to Xander, "I'm not saying I don't want you, because I do. I REALLY do. You could probably tell how much… I'm just saying, it's worth the wait, to be sure this is right. I need to be sure nobody gets hurt again."

Xander stood, "You know, it's a good thing I didn't fantasize about you turning human only about 10 zillion times, because today would have been a real let down. So, how does the mature plan go? You call me? I call you? What?"

Angel stepped over to him, "We stay in touch, just not.."

"Literally. Funny. Okay, I'd better…" Xander headed towards the door

Angel turned to look after him, "Right. Remove the temptation."

Xander spun back towards him, "So, we'll…talk, soon."

Xander placed his hand on top of Angel's, on the counter. They both looked down at their hands. Angel turned his hand to grab Xander's, then pulled him into a kiss. They stumble up against the fridge and Xander jumped up to wrap his long legs around Angel's waist. Still kissing, Angel carried him over to the kitchen table, swept its contents onto the floor and laid him down on it.

(content removed, see my website or LJ for full version)

Angel collapsed alongside Xander, enjoying the feel of his own heart beat, racing with exertion.

They both relaxed into a light doze, lulled by their slowing heartbeats.


	11. Ch 10 Questions Answered even more, ye

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 10 – Questions Answered even more, yet again.**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/(NC-17 version at my website)

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The next several chapters are going to be one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from Buffyworld

Wordsin _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

FLASHBACK continues, still, again.

Warm hands ghosted reverently over Xander's body, stopping to caress here and there and _Oh God Yes_ there, awakening him from his brief slumber. A hot tongue lapped at the pulse point at his neck. His back arched, when blunt teeth scraped across his throat.

"Do that again!"

"You liked that, did you?"

"Hell yes, I liked that. Now, do it again!"

"My pleasure."

"I'm pretty sure it'll be mine, now shut up and DO IT AGAIN!"

A dark chuckle filled the air, just before those wonderful teeth scraped across his neck, again.

The chuckle was soon replaced by a growl. Not a growl of pleasure, but an angry growl from a very unhappy beast, Xander's stomach. Angel hopped out of bed and went to the kitchen, to gather food for them both.

Xander yelled, "Peanut butter, preferably crunchy!"

Angel popped his head up above the door of the fridge, "I got it."

His arms piled with food, he made his way back to the bedroom, nude. His burdens not quite preserving his dignity. Not that Xander minded the view.

He dumped the food on the bed and slipped under the sheet.

Xander, wearing equally nothing, smiled at him, "The perfect yum," He said, when Angel fed him a spoon of ice cream. "Mmm, this is a dream. You're human for like a minute and already there is Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge."

"God, I love food."

Xander fed him some ice cream on a chocolate waffle, "Food is of the good."

They kissed.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter?" Angel asked, against Xander's lips?

"Well, I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn't really savor it, then it would only hurt you, you know? By the way, I'm over the whole needing to be mature thing. That time you just spent in the kitchen? That was enough time apart."

"Too much."

They kissed; Angel shivered when some ice cream dripped from his spoon onto his chest.

"Okay, mortal coordination leaving something to be desired."

"Wrong. It's just right."

Angel laughed as Xander licked up the ice cream, then pulled him down into a kiss.

"Ice cream and you, tastes even better," Angel teased.

Xander kissed him again.

(content removed, see my website or LJ for full version)

Doyle and Cordy were drinking at a bar.

"Well, this is working out nicely! I'm out of a job."

"Hey! It's not just you, you know?"

"Oh, please. Who are you kidding? You're glad it happened."

"Hey, I'm glad for Angel, but if that means I'm off the hook with the Powers-That-Be as well, all the better. I'm finally free to go out in the world and make me own mark in the world."

"We had a cat that used to do that." Cordy put her head down on the bar, "Oh god, what am I going to do? I'm good for exactly two things: International Superstardom, or helping a vampire with a soul to rid the world of evil. That makes for a short but colorful resume."

"Well, what ever happens form here on out, at least I will be able to say good-bye to them bone-crushing, head-wrenching, mind-numbing visions."

Doyle's head hit the bar and he saw blurred pictures of the Mohra demon attacking Angel.

"What do you see?" Cordy asks, with genuine concern.

"We got trouble."


	12. Chapter 11 Questions Answered, once more

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 11 – Questions Answered, once more.**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The next several chapters are going to be one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from Buffyworld

Wordsin _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

FLASHBACK yet again continues.

Xander still had his head rested on Angel's chest, "It's a good sound. Thump-thump. Thump-thump," listening to the heartbeat beneath his ear.

"It feels pretty amazing."

"I'm so glad we didn't logic ourselves out of this. We'll make it work, right?" Xander asked hesitantly.

"We will."

"I love you, Angel." Xander whispers, afraid, but unable to keep the words inside.

"I love you, Xander. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you."

"Not even…" Xander asked, not wanting to say her name, for fear that it would break the mood.

"Not even her. I really did love her, but, it wasn't anything like this. I'm a little scared at the intensity of my feelings for you." Angel admitted.

"Me too."

"At least we can be scared together, right." Angel teased

"Oh, I'm so sleepy, but I still want..."

"What? You couldn't possibly… Not that I wouldn't..."

"No, no. I'm spent. Pleasantly numb even. You?"

"For now."

"No, I want to stay awake, so this day can keep happening."

Angel kissed his boys damp forehead, "Sleep. We'll make another one like it tomorrow."

Xander said sleepily, "Angel? This is the first time I ever really felt this way."

"What way?"

"Just like I've always wanted to. Like somebody really cares. It's perfect."

Angel kisses the top of his head as he falls asleep, smiling sadly, as he recognized the truth of those words. His Boy hadn't had enough people really show that they care bout him. That was going to change, starting now.

Angel watched Xander sleep. He heard the door open and shifted Xander off of him, careful not to wake Xander. He pulled a sheet up to cover the His Boy.

Angel came out of the bedroom, shrugging into a robe, as Doyle came down the stairs.

"Hey, that Mohra demon regenerated more then just you."

"What?"

"I had a vision. It regenerated itself."

"Where?"

"In the tunnel, where you fought it. Then it was in some sort of factory. I thought I tasted salt. Could have been the margarita."

"No, it needs a lot of salt to live."

"Well, it was very much alive in this vision, and angry, if I might mention."

"I'll have to kill it again."

"Yeah, but you're human now. They released you."

Angel pulled on some pants, "You want to let that thing roam free? You saw it in a factory. There is a saline plant in Redondo. We'll start there."

"Yeah, but if it can regenerate itself, how can you kill it?"

"We'll figure it out. Just grab the book of Kelsor. You'll read, I'll drive. Doyle?"

Doyle looked over at Xander, sleeping on Angel's bed, "Angel?"

Angel pulled a sweater over his head and followed Doyle's gaze, to His Boy, resting on the bed.

"Don't you want to wake your boy?"

"Not for the world." _My Boy._

At the saline plant.

Doyle read the book, "Okay. This is not good. It doesn't just come back - it comes back bigger and stronger. I think we should go back and get more weapons and help."

"I know what I'm doing."

"This isn't your average demon we're fighting here. It nearly licked you before and now you're mortal."

"If this thing with me and Xander is going to work, I need to be able do this, protect him. I can't keep risking his life every time some minion of hell… Just tell me how to kill it."

Doyle read from book, "Uh, 'It regenerates until the dark future it envisions is upon us.' Oh, 'to kill the beast one must bring darkness to 1000 eyes'."

"Funny, I only saw two."

"Keep up the glib. It makes me feel like we have a chance." Angel saw two corpses and gagged from the smell. "Take it easy, mate."

"The blood." Angel gasped.

"It's never an easy sight. It's part of being human now."

"I'm going to kill that thing."

"Just remember that it's brutal, deadly, and…here!"

The Mohra jumped down on them from above. They're clearly overmatched and Doyle got knocked out pretty early. Angel kept getting back up, but the thing was wiping the floor with him and he finally turned to run.

Cordy put sticky notes on things in the office.

"Angel? Cordelia." Xander called, as he came into the office.

Cordy held up and ornate ax, "Is this antique?"

"Byzantine." Xander replied, slightly surprising himself with the fact that he knew that.

_Guess all that time with Giles, cleaning weapons. really has paid off._

"Mmm." Cordelia considered the ax.

"Where is Angel?" Xander asked abruptly.

Cordy shrugged, "I've decided not to feel sorry for myself. I'm taking matters into my own hands, organizing a little 'going out of business' sale to subsidize the severance package Angel never bothered setting up for me."

"Did he leave a message about where he went?"

"You know I'm in real pain here and all you can do is talk about Angel. Has it even occurred to you how this whole turning human thing might affect me?"

"Regrettably, no. Look, if you know where he is, just tell me?"

"He told me not to tell you."

"Is he in trouble?" Cordy made a face at Xander, "Cordelia, what are we, in second grade here? Tell me!"

"He went to fight that thing by himself, without..."

"What thing?"


	13. Ch 12 Questions Answered, once more, ag

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 12 – Questions Answered, once more, again.**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The next several chapters are going to be one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from Buffyworld

Wordsin _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

FLASHBACK continues.

Angel just tried to stay alive, as the Mohra demon kept coming after him. Angel climbed on the lid of a salt silo and when the demon jumped up and hit him, they both crashed through.

The Mohra put a foot on Angel's neck, "The end of days has begun and can't be stopped. For anyone of us that falls, ten shall rise."

The Mohra lifted his sword to stab Angel, at that moment, Xander jumped down on it from above, knocking it off Angel.

Xander grabbed the demon's sword, "You hurt my boyfriend."

Mohra: "A great darkness is coming."

"You got that right."

As they fought, the Mohra managed to wrap it's Morgenstern around Xander's sword and pull it from his hand. Xander kicked at the demon and it made it stumble into the wall.

"Come on, this is the great warriors of darkness?"

Xander managed to step on the chain of it's Morgenstern and kick the demon, so it had to let go of it. It picked him up and threw him into the wall.

Mohra: "Together you were powerful. Alone, you are dead." It picked him up by his throat, "What do you think of the great warrior now?"

Angel picks up a handful of salt, "Little bland." He threw it in the demon's eyes and it dropped Xander, "Needs salt."

Angel tried to help Xander up, but the Mohra grabbed him and threw him across the silo.

Xander kept fighting the demon, barely managing to stay out of its reach.

Angel looked up at the demon, "The light of a thousand eyes… The jewel in its forehead! You have to smash the jewel."

Xander picked up the Morgenstern and brought it down on the jewel.

Mohra: "No!"

The demon vanished in a bright light.

Xander ran over to Angel and took his head in his lap.

"Xander, are you all…"

"Shh, you're all right. That's all that matters. Shh, you're all right." Xander kissed the top of his head. "And it's over. And we're together."

The Oracles.

Man: "You again."

Woman: "What have you brought me?"

"Famille Rose vase." Angel threw her a black vase, "Ching dynasty. Circa 1811."

Woman: "Lovely."

Man: "Why are you here, lower being?"

"The Mohra demon said the end of days had begun. That others were coming, soldiers of darkness. I need to know if he was telling the truth."

Man: "As far as such things can be told."

"What happens to the Slayer and her friends when these soldiers come?"

Woman: "What happens to all mortal beings. Albeit sooner, in their case."

"They'll die? Then I'm here to beg for their lives."

The Oracles turn and walk away: "It is not our place to grant life or death."

"And I ask you to take mine back." The oracles stopped walking and turned back to him.

"Look, I can't protect him, I mean, her or anyone this way, not as a man."

Woman: "You're asking to be what you were, a demon with a soul, because of the Slayer's White Knight?"

Man turns to leave again: "Oh, this is a matter of love. It does not concern us."

"Yes, it does. The Mohra demon came to take a warrior from your cause, and it succeeded. I'm no good to you like this. I know you have it in your power to make this right. Please."

Man: "What is done can not be undone."

Woman: "What is not yet done can be avoided."

Man: "Temporal folds are not to indulge at - the whims of lower beings."

Woman: "You are wrong. This one is willing to sacrifice every drop of human happiness and love he has ever known for another. He is not a lower being."

Man: "There is one way. But it is not to be undertaken lightly."

Woman: "We swallow this day, as though it had never happened. Twenty-four hours from the moment the demon first attacked you, we take it back."

Angel licked his lips, "Then none of this happened and Xander and I…What… what'll stop us from doing the exact same thing again?"

Woman: "You. You alone will carry the memory of this day. Can you carry that burden?"


	14. Ch 13 Questions Answered, one last time

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 13 – Questions Answered, once last time.**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The next several chapters are going to be one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from Buffyworld

Wordsin _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

FLASHBACK continues.

The clock on Angel's desk reads 8:50.

Xander paced Angel's apartment. Angel wearily came down the steps to his apartment.

"I'm guessing that expression isn't because they were all out of fresh OJ at the deli. What happened?" Xander asked.

"Nothing happened. I just…"

"Where have you been?"

"I went to see the Oracles. I asked them to turn me back."

"What? Why?"

"Because I love you."

Xander backed away from him, "No. No, you didn't."

Angel followed him, "And if I stayed mortal, one of us would wind up dead, maybe both of us. You heard what Mohra said."

"Mohra is dead. We killed him."

"He said others would come."

"They always come. And they always will. But that's Buffy's problem now, not yours, remember?"

"Like YOU just stand by and let her fight?"

"Then we fight together. As regular guys, I do it practically everyday and I'm still alive."

"You saw what happened last night. If anything, I'm a liability to the fight. You take chances to protect me, and that's not just bad for you, it's bad for the people we were meant to help."

"So what? You just took a whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a superhero?"

"You know that's not it. How can we be together if the cost is your life, or the lives of others?" Xander just stared at him and after a moment Angel took him into his arms. "I know. I couldn't tell you. I wasn't sure if I could do it if I woke up with you one more morning."

"I understand. So, what happens now?'

"The Oracles are giving us back the day, turning back time, so I can kill Mohra before his blood makes me mortal."

"When?"

Angel looked over at the clock and saw that it was 8:57. "A couple of minutes."

"A couple minutes? No. No, it's not enough time!"

"We don't have a choice. It's done."

"How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had?"

"You won't. No one will know but me."

"Everything we did."

"It never happened."

Xander shook his head, "It did. It did. I know it did!" Xander put his hand on Angel's heart, "I felt your heart beat."

"Xander..."

They kissed. Xander looked over at the clock. The minute was almost up.

"No! Oh God. It's not enough time."

Angel was crying too, now, "Shh, please. Please."

The held each other tightly, both crying.

"Please, please."

"No. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget."

"Don't do this."

"I have to, I can't risk you."

"Every day is a risk. I won't forget, no matter what you say, what you've done, I won't forget one moment."

"Yes, you will."

"How much time do we have?"

"A few moments."

"Tell me one more time."

"I love you, Xander."

"You're the first person who ever told me that, the first one to really mean it. I love you too…"

White flash dissolved to Angel's office the previous day.

Angel leaned against his desk blinking, looking around. Xander stood next to the door.

"So, then, let's just stick to the plan, for her sake. You keep your distance until a lot of time has passed. Given enough time she should be able to…"

Angel stares at him and swallows hard, "Forget."

"Uh…Right, I was going to say, heal, maybe grow up a little… So message sent and those of us who came into the room not dead are still, you know, not dead. I'll just…"

As Xander turns to go a green skinned Samurai demon with a curved sword and a red jewel in his forehead crashes through the window behind Angel and attacks him.

_Damn, I jinxed myself_. Xander thought

Angel just turned, grabbed the clock from his desk and coolly smashed the Mohra's jewel with it. The Mohra went up in a flash of light.

Xander was slightly stunned: "That was unreal. How did you know how to kill it?"

"It's a Mohra demon. I - I had a lot of time to catch up on my reading."

Xander nodded slowly: "Yeah. Okay. So I guess we've covered it, right?"

"I guess we did."

"And that's all there really is to say."

Angel took a deep breath and looked down on the smashed clock. It stopped at 9:02. When he turned back, Xander is already leaving the outer office.

"Yeah…That's it." Angel whispered, a tear ran down his cheek, as he silently said goodbye to His Boy.

END FLASHBACK, finally.


	15. Chapter 14 Back to now

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 14 – Back to now.**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The last several chapters were one long flashback. I pretty much took the transcript for the entire episode, "I Will Remember You" and changed the dialog to fit Xander. I got the transcript of this episode from Buffyworld Now, back to the present.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Now, back to the present:

Xander stared at Angel after he finished recounting the tale. He was a jumble of confused emotions: anger, betrayal, fear, love, sorrow, pity…_Wait, back it up, Pity? Love? What's that about?_

Angel looked up at him, a tear streaming down his face, loss emanating from every pore.

"You just let me walk away? Without saying anything? We could still have… had something, even with the happiness clause. At least I would've known…that somebody…felt like that about me…maybe I wouldn't have…with Anya." Xander was lost in his own thoughts for a moment, "maybe I wouldn't have gotten her involved, broken her heart, gotten her killed."

"You should have told me Angel. I had a right to know." Xander whispered.

"What could I have said, you didn't even remember liking me, much less loving me. Would you have believed me? Would it have changed anything? At the time, I thought I still had to worry about the clause and we couldn't have been together. The temptation would have been too great. Why do you think I avoided you after that? Not because I regretted loving you, but because looking at you tore me apart. It was all I could do not to grab you and kiss you whenever I saw you after that. It hurt so much, to look into your eyes and not see your love reflected there." Angel had tears streaming down his face at this point.

"When I heard that you and Anya were together so soon afterwards, I wanted to rip her to shreds for daring to touch 'My Boy'. Cordy had to remind me that I gave up every right to you when I took back that day. I stayed in bed for a week." Angel tried to smile at that, but didn't succeed.

Xander looked at him, every emotion that he was feeling reflected in his eye.

"Every time Cordy talked to Willow or one of you, every piece of news I heard…I savored any information about you, but…knowing you were getting on with your life and that it didn't include me…that ripped me to shreds." Angel said sadly.

He waited patiently for some response from Xander, some indication as to what he was thinking.

"You always make the same mistake, making decisions for people instead of with them. Always thinking you know better. That's what got Willow in trouble, you know? She thought she knew better than anyone else and used magic to get her way, no matter the cost. She ripped Buffy out of heaven because of that. She got addicted to dark Magic for awhile, because of it. She lost Tara for awhile because of it. Then lost her forever, just when she'd gotten her back. She almost ended the world because she was too lost in grief, power and ego to realize what she was doing." Xander said sadly, remembering that day on the cliff.

Angel ached at the pain he saw in Xander's eye, and admitted to himself the truth of the boy's words. He had made the same mistake over and over. He kept arranging people's lives for "their own good" or "the fate of the world" without stopping to ask what they wanted. All in all, the world was still here, but the people he loved had been greatly injured, if not killed by his hubris.

"Have you learned from your mistakes Angel, or will you keep playing God?" Xander asked quietly.

Angel looked at him and knew that he had to answer carefully and truthfully.

"I think this last debacle finally drove the point home. I am really trying to change. I may, however, occasionally need someone to remind me to pull my head out of my ass and learn to ask for help." Angel said with honesty and a smile.

"I'm told I'm really good at that." Xander offered hesitantly.

Angel eyes shot to his, not daring to hope.

"Do you think, maybe, that we could, you know, get to know each other again?" Angel stumbled over his words.

Xander considered him for a moment. Thinking over all that had been revealed and pondering Angel's resolve to stop playing God.

"Are you asking me for friendship, or more?" Xander questioned.

"Last time things went pretty quickly. I'd like to start with friendship and see if it could be something more. I don't want to rush this time. And if I can never be more than your friend, I'll gladly accept that and try not to push for more." Angel said, not daring to meet Xander's gaze.

"I think our whole relationship, starting from when we were first introduced, was shaped by assumptions and snap decisions. Even before you came here, I was regretting not having tried to get to know you, without my own confusion and insecurity getting in the way. I don't really know you Angel, not as a real friend, and I think I would like to. If it develops into something more, that would be pretty awesome. But, I'm still kinda reeling from the whole Anya thing and I think you're still reeling from Cordy. So why don't we just take our time. I mean, hey, I'm still young and you're not going to age, so we got plenty of time."

"So, friends?" Angel asked.

"Friends." Xander agreed. "And besides, I've been telling myself I need to make some guy friends anyway. I have been hanging out with the girls for way too long. I mean, the other day one of the girls asked me what I thought about someone's dress at the Oscar's and I actually had an opinion, and it wasn't, wow, she looks hot. My response involved the words 'I thought that look was so last season' I mean, I had to watch three 'Die Hard' movies just to get over it." Xander looked at Angel, the horror of the memory reflected in his eye.

Angel just smiled. This whole friendship thing was going to be fun.


	16. Chapter 15 Soulful discussions

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 15 – Soulful discussions**.

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Xander and Angel were walking back from Xander's thinking spot, when something occurred to Xander.

"What did you mean 'At the time, you thought you still had to worry about the clause'?" Xander picked up on that piece of information, from their earlier conversation.

"You heard about the whole Darla thing?" Angel continued when Xander just nodded, "I had what I call an epiphany. I did a little research and talked to a conduit to the Powers and….Willow didn't re-curse me with the intention of punishing me, she re-cursed me with a pure intent, to help me and stop me from destroying the world."

"And…" Xander looked confused.

"Without the intent to punish, the happiness clause wasn't there. And, barring outside intervention, my soul is permanent."

"Outside intervention?"

"Once an actress slipped me a drug which repressed my inhibitions and pretty much repressed my soul, allowing my demon to take control. Luckily the drug wore off, before to much damage was done."

"What about when Willow went to L.A. to restore your soul? " Xander asked, still not sure what was being said.

"We used a spell to remove my soul to get information from my demon. And then they physically 'lost' my soul, or at least the container it was being held in. Probably not the best idea we ever had." Angel admitted.

"So, assuming, you don't get slipped a mickey or have it removed intentionally, your soul is permanent? As in not goin' nowhere? No more Angelus?" Xander asked.

"Pretty much, yeah." Angel replied. "I don't think Willow even knew."

"You could have been with Buffy this whole time, after all." Xander said sadly.

"In a way I'm glad I didn't know."

"What do you mean?" Xander was truly confused.

"If I had known, when I got back from hell that my soul was permanent, Buffy and I probably would have resumed our relationship. And as much as I loved her, we would've never worked. And not just in the "I'm a vampire, she's a slayer" way either. We really didn't have a lot, outside of our missions', in common. We never had conversations. We mostly just made out and fought. Not much to build a relationship on. I don't think either of us really bothered to get to know each other, beyond our feelings. But we probably would have tried to make it work, even if it was bad, out of stubbornness and fear." Angel explained.

"Fear?"

"Fear of the unknown, clinging to something because it's easy or just because its there. Fear that there is no one else out there for you. Fear that this is the best it'll ever get."

"Sometimes fear causes you to let go, instead of hold on." Xander said quietly, thinking of Anya and how he had hurt her. He still believed they weren't ready to get married, but, he had still loved her.

"Besides, if I had known, I might never have had my day with you. And as painful as it was to love you and lose you, I don't regret the time we had together." He smiled sadly at Xander.

Xander looked, really looked, and could see the sincerity in him.

_Maybe this, whatever it is, has a chance after all._ He thought to himself, with a smile.

"So, no more happiness clause." Xander stated, trying to get back to the original topic.

"No more happiness clause." Angel replied.

"Does that mean you can, you know?" Xander asked, blushing a little.

"Yes, I can." Angel smiled at His Boy's bashfulness. "From what I have heard about Anya, and what she considered appropriate topics of conversation, I think it's humorous that you won't even say the word."

"That was Anya, not me. Besides, she did it on purpose. I think she had spent so many years thinking up ways to torture people, that it was almost second nature to find new and inventive ways to make people uncomfortable." Xander smiled at the thought. He realized that it was getting easier to think about the good times with Anya, instead of just thinking about losing her.

_Maybe I'm finally starting to heal? _

"Really?" Angel asked, for once he actually wanted to hear about Anya, sensing that the conversation was helping the boy heal a bit.

"Yeah, she had a weird sense of humor. Sometimes, she would try to see how many times she could make Giles polish his glasses or make Willow and Tara blush. She kept a little notebook, that she had a running tally in. I think the numbers for both were well into the hundreds. I don't know how many times Buffy choked on her gum or whatever she was eating at the time. And, once, when Anya made some comment while he was drinking, Spike shot blood out of his nose and all over one of Giles' old books. They were both pretty pissed. Actually, Spike looked a little intrigued, but mostly pissed off. He says it was like shooting soda out of your nose. Which can be pretty painful, let me tell you."

Angel was flabbergasted. "What did she say to shock Spike that much? Hell, what did she say to shock Spike, period?"

Xander blushed and muttered, "You'll have to ask him. I don't remember."

"You don't remember? Then why are you blushing?" Angel teased the, now, red-faced boy.

"Well, uh, pretty much whatever she said was usually pretty embarrassing, so, I, uh, yeah. Anyway, I don't remember exactly what she said, but I can imagine." Xander babbled.

"Uh-huh." Angel was unconvinced. You can be sure he was going to ask Spike about the incident, even if only, just because he finally had something to tease his annoying childe with.

They walked in comfortable silence for a few moments. Which was pretty surprising, not for Angel, who could be found brooding for hours in solitude, but, for Xander, who was used to feeling a great need to fill lulls in conversation with babble.

Then, something occurred to Xander.

"Angel?"

"Yes, Xander?"

"Why do you think I've had these dreams all these years? Why am I suddenly remembering them? And, why did we have that flashback thingy in the training room, when you hugged me?" Xander asked in one breath.


	17. Chapter 16 – Questions Unanswered

Title: I **Finally Remembered You. Part 16 – Questions Unanswered.**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

"I can honestly say that I have no idea why you've remembered anything at all about that day." Angel told Xander, just as confused as the boy.

"How come you remembered?" Xander asked.

"Well, the PTB's wanted to make sure that the same thing wouldn't happen again. I had to know how to kill the Mohra demon, before its blood could make me human."

"Oh."

They continued to walk, both lost in their own thoughts. Each trying to come up with a reason that Xander would have memories of a day that, for him, had never happened.

Xander was more than a little confused by the situation. Why would he remember that day? Why now?

He thought about all that Angel had told him about that day. The events, the conversations, the feelings. _Had it been real love? Had it been a forever type love that the girls were always talking about? Do I even believe in a forever love? What happens when a forever love doesn't last forever? What happens when it only lasts a day, then is taken away?_

Xander didn't know the answers to any of these questions. Love had never worked out well for him in the past. He had always, sorta believed, that it was his own fault. That there was something wrong with him that made people not love him back, at least, not the way he loved them.

Maybe it wasn't his fault. Maybe, he had just loved the wrong people?

He had really loved Cordy. Loved her humor and her attitude. She never took crap from anyone. They had had so much fun together, trading insults and snark. He had never meant to hurt her and had never stopped caring about her.

Willow. She had been his whole world, for so long. As children, she had been the only person who showed him attention, love, or kindness. He loved her like a sister, like a best friend, but he had never been really in love with her. When Oz came along, he had gotten so used to being her world, that he didn't know how to handle it when she pushed him aside for the werewolf/musician. At the time of the whole "Fluke" thing, he had been so afraid of losing her, that he had held onto her the only way he knew how, with physical affection. It had been wrong and had hurt not only themselves, but, pretty much everyone else too. And, they had never really recovered their closeness. Buffy had replaced Xander as Willow's confidant and best friend. When she tried to end the world, Xander had been there to stop her. He had hoped it would be the beginning of their own personal renaissance. But, the renewed closeness had never materialized. And he mourned that every day. He still missed "yellow crayon Willow" and he probably always would.

He hadn't meant to start anything with Anya, but she had been so insistent, so…interested, that it was just easier to go along with the flow. He had been flattered by her pursuit and had just wanted someone to want him, for once. Not be ashamed of him. He had wanted someone to want him outside of the broom closet. Literally and metaphorically. And Anya had. She had told anyone who would listen, how much she wanted him. Explicitly, even. And he had done the whole "love the one your with" thing, because he hadn't really known any better.

And he had broken her heart, brutally, in front of all of their friends and family. He had sent her running back to the demon world, which had almost caused Buffy to kill her.

He hadn't stopped loving her. Not when he had walked away from their wedding, not when he had seen her having sex with Spike, and not when she had died, fighting Bringers alongside Andrew. She would always hold a piece of his heart. And he wasn't sorry, not for loving her, at least.

So, as much as he would like to hate Angel for giving away their day, giving up on their love, if he hadn't, Xander would never have gotten to love Anya. Maybe it would have saved her life, but, maybe it wouldn't have. But, he can say, loving her changed him. He had to be the grown up in their relationship, because her long years as a demon had made her forget what being human was all about. Emotionally, she had often been childlike, unable to process or understand the emotions that she was feeling. He had been her guide, her friend, her lover. Once again, he had been someone's everything.

Maybe that was what he had fallen in love with. Being someone's everything. Maybe it felt safe, right, being that for someone. He had been Willow's everything, for most of his life, until Buffy came to town. Could it be that he had been trying to recapture that feeling with Anya?

So he had loved the wrong people. Or, loved the right people, for the wrong reasons. Where did that leave him?

Would it really have been any different with Angel? Would he have found a way to screw it up, like he had every other time? Or, would it have been everything he had been looking for his whole life?

Xander thought about the emotions his dreams had always invoked, even before he remembered them. While the sense of loss had always been devastating, the feeling of loving and being loved had always felt….right. Unbelievably, right.

Maybe that's because it was. _Huh?_

Maybe, being loved by Angel, was right. As in, meant to be. Maybe he had been meant to love Angel. In a forever kind of way.

Did the Powers That Be have something to do with this?

Maybe they knew that, however necessary it was, for that day to be taken back, it wasn't a good thing to do to either man. Maybe they wanted him to remember, so they could one day find their way back to each other?

Xander didn't know for sure. But, he wanted to find out.

"Angel, do you still have access to the Powers That Be?"

"The only place I knew to access them was in L.A." Angel replied, a little confused by the question. "Why?"

"Maybe they know why I have memories that I shouldn't and why they were "triggered" when we hugged."

"I could try and find Lorne. He is a conduit to the PTBs. Maybe he knows of a way. I did, pretty much burn my bridges with him, so I'm not sure if he'd be willing to help." Angel replied, sadly.

"Try. It could be the only way we ever find out for sure." Xander replied, not ready to fully share his thoughts.


	18. Chapter 17 – Spike

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 17 – Spike

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Spike was curious as hell. He had seen his sire and the whelp leave together earlier, but no auto sounds followed, so he was pretty sure they hadn't gone too far. _Where had they gone? What were they doing? Each other?_ Spike snickered wickedly at his own joke.

He had always thought that Angel and the boy had a thing for each other. He had often smelled the attraction from his sire, in Sunnydale and smelled confusion and attraction from the boy. After Angel left Sunnydale and after the chip, whenever he had seen his sire, the older vampire had smelled of sorrow and loss whenever the boy was there, or even mentioned in conversation.

And last night, when they had seen the boy sweaty and lusted after by all those girls, he had been able to smell Angel's lust above all those girls' teenage hormones. He had also smelt anger coming off his sire, or was it jealousy? The two were often so similar.

And then shock. Spike had realized that Angel was never told that Xander had lost an eye. The conversation he and his sire had afterwards, had been tense.

Not long after they were shown to their respective rooms, Angel had burst through Spike's door.

"When did Xander loose his eye? And why didn't you tell me?" Angel struggled to maintain an even tone of voice.

"It happened not long before the battle, the all mighty Buffy led us into an ambush. We were fighting Caleb and the first's minions. Potentials were falling left and right, and Buffy called for a retreat. The whelp was helping the injured get out, when he saw one of them was about to get put down permanently by the preacher man. You know Xander, he stepped in, and Caleb jabbered at him for a few moments, then… he just…he stuck his thumb in the boy's eye." Spike was lost in his own memories of the moment. "I was across the room helping get Slayers and mini-slayers out and I couldn't stop him. I was able to pull him off before he went after the other eye, but…"

Angel was horrified by the tale. _His Boy must have been so scared and suffered so much_.

"Why didn't Buffy tell me about this when I came to bring her the amulet?"

"She couldn't even look at the boy or visit him in the hospital; I'm not surprised she didn't tell you. Besides, why should she think you would care? You and the boy have never been what you would call close." Spike said, trying to goad a reaction from Angel, "In fact, some would say that you hate each other."

Angel kept his mouth shut, not falling for Spike's baiting. Then, what the childe had said struck him, "She didn't even go see him in the hospital?" He practically shouted.

Spike didn't smirk, like you would think he might. He too was appalled at is onetime love's callous actions.

"Even I visited the whelp in the hospital. Every time someone came through the door, he would look up in hope that it was her, his supposed best friend, and his face would fall when he realized she wasn't coming." Spike remembered, with sorrow.

Angel looked devastated. He left the room quietly. Not even bothering to slam the door, like he usually did when he left Spike's presence.

Spike still had the occasional nightmare about the boy losing his eye; he often woke up to the boy's bloodcurdling scream ringing in his ears.

He and the boy had developed a pseudo friendship towards the end of Sunnydale and Spike had always regretted not being able to prevent Caleb from destroying the boy's eye.

He hoped that they could resume their friendship. It was one of his fonder memories from that time. They had both enjoyed the biting comments, the other always seemed to have.

Buffy's reaction to Xander's injury had finally cured him of his feelings for her. A woman who deserved to be loved the way Spike loved, would never treat a friend like that. Sometimes, she would look at Xander in such a way, it would seem like she blamed him for getting injured. Like he'd done it to show her up or as a personal affront to her. No, Spike refused to love someone that selfish.

Sure, he had gone along to Rome with Angel and always gave him a hard time about Buffy, but Spike had really just done it to annoy the poof. Sometimes, annoying the older vampire was the only entertainment he had. Of course, it looked like he now had something, someone, else to tease his sire about.

Spike also wanted to know what the hell was going on between his sire and the boy. The lust he could understand, I mean the boy was a nummy treat. But, he was confused by the scents of sorrow and loss Angel always gave off. That just didn't track with what he knew of their relationship. He also sensed it wasn't the normal brooding and angst, that Angel usually indulged in.

Yes, there was a big mystery afoot. And Spike was just the vampire to figure it out. I mean, how else was he going to amuse himself?


	19. Chapter 18 – So, Friends, Huh?

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 18 – So, Friends, Huh?

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Angel closed his bedroom door with a sigh. After walking back to the main house, he and Xander had realized they had missed dinner and headed for the kitchen. They ate their respective dinners' in silence, lost in their own thoughts. He had seen Xander to his room, awkwardly saying goodbye at the door.

The big revelation hadn't been his total nightmare, with Xander hating him and staking him.

It also hadn't been his wildest dream, with Xander declaring his undying love and jumping into his arms, followed by extremely hot monkey sex.

It had been somewhere in between, but, better than he expected. He and Xander were going to be friends.

_I can do that, the friend thing. _

He and Xander had never really been friends before. They had been rivals, grudging allies, enemies and lovers, but not friends.

He wanted to be Xander's friend. And have Xander be his friend. He had always respected and envied the loyalty, affection and love that Xander had bestowed on his friends. Now, he had a chance to be a part of that.

_Was it enough?_

Could he hang out with Xander as friends and not want more? Was it okay to want more if he didn't push for more?

Could he stand being so close to Xander and not touch? Because he wanted to touch Xander, Oh Boy, did he want to touch him. Not in a platonic, patting friend on the shoulder way either. He wanted to "naughty touch" as Xander would say. _Really naughty touching, dirty even. Dirty, yeah, maybe with whipped cream, ice cream and chocolate like they had that day. Crap, Angel, get your mind out of the boy's pants! He wants a friend, not a boyfriend._

So, could he face being near Xander all the time, and not be with him?

Or worse, could he face not being near him anymore?

The past few years, he had not admitted it to himself, but, he had secretly survived on the hope that Xander would be His Boy again one day. If he didn't have that, couldn't even be near the boy, would he be able to continue?

Without Xander, his redemption meant nothing, was for nothing.

Even if Xander wasn't his lover, he would be his friend. And that had to be enough. Life, or unlife, without Xander in it somewhere, was unthinkable.

He and Xander would be friends, maybe one day more. Regardless, he would love Xander, whether the boy ever loved him back or not.

Because, Xander needed him, needed his friendship. Needed his affection and love, even if it wasn't returned. Needed to be cared for and listened to. Needed to be someone's everything.

Xander had been Willow's everything for many years, before she had pushed him to the side for Buffy, Oz and Tara. Xander had been Anya's everything, because she literally had no one else. Xander was used to being someone's everything. Xander didn't remember, but he had been Angel's everything too. He would be again.

Maybe it wasn't healthy, but it was Xander.

Xander had spent so much time being told that he was worthless, useless, unloved and unneeded. Xander needed someone to need him. He didn't need to be needed as the physically strongest one, or the bravest, or the smartest, or the –est anything. He didn't need to be needed as a hero or a champion. He needed to be needed as a rock, a touchstone. Someone to make sense of the world, support in the tough times and a voice of truth in times of confusion. Xander was all those things, to people who hadn't recognized or appreciated it. Even now, he was treated like the handyman, instead of a valuable member of the team. Angel knew Xander liked working with his hands, but he also liked helping in other ways, too.

Angel was going to make sure that Xander never felt unneeded or underappreciated, ever again.

The people that Xander considered friends, family even, hadn't been taking proper care of His Boy, hadn't taken care of him in a long time, if ever. And not just physically, _Angel, don't think or growl about missing eye_, he was talking about mentally and emotionally. Angel had been able to smell sorrow, loss and helplessness coming from the boy, even through his laughter and jokes.

_Hadn't that always been the case? Hadn't His Boy always hidden behind smiles and jokes?_

His boy was not useless and should never be made to feel that way ever again. A man can only take so much, before he completely gives up. Angel should know, he had been there a time or two himself. But, he didn't want Xander to give up on the people he loved or this life.

Xander needed him. And he needed Xander. They both needed a safe place, a person they could be themselves with. They could be that for each other.

Even if it was just as friends.

Angel would be Xander's friend. He wouldn't push for more, but, he wouldn't be closed off to the possibility that Xander might, or might not, want more down the road.

But, he could dream. And, he could remember.

Xander rested his head on the broad shoulder of the man who held him close. Luxuriating in the comfort and safety to be found there. He nuzzled a bit against the shoulder before speaking.

"Can we stay here, like this, forever?"

A warm chuckle rumbled from the chest pressed against him.

"Well, we could, but, I think eventually, our various body functions would make it difficult and embarrassing," was the amused reply.

"Very funny Deadboy," he paused, "I guess I can't call you that anymore. What should I call you now, Liveboy? "

"Or not," came the sardonic reply.

"Or, I could just call you My Love." He said, with an uncharacteristic display of gooey feelings.

"I really like the sound of that," Angel replied," I can't call you "Harris" anymore either. What should I call you? Honey? Sweetums?" Angel teased.

"Uh, that would be a BIG no." Xander grumbled.

"Or, I could just call you Mine." Angel said, filling the endearment with all the love he felt for this amazing man in his arms.

Angel smiled at the memory. He let himself relax into sleep, hoping that more dreams/memories like that one would follow him into slumber. Hoping that those dreams and memories would be enough, if they had to be.


	20. Chapter 19 – So, Friends, Huh? Again

Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 19 – So, Friends, Huh? Again.

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Xander closed his bedroom door with a sigh. After walking back to the main house, he and Angel had realized they had missed dinner and headed for the kitchen. They ate their respective dinners' in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Angel had walked Xander to his room, awkwardly saying goodbye at the door.

Xander didn't know what he had expected Angel to tell him tonight, but, he hadn't expected to be told that they had been in love, for one day. A day that had never happened, except, that it had.

It was all very confusing.

If what Angel had said was true, Xander had been loved more in that one day, than he had been loved in his entire life. And maybe he still was. Loved, that is. He could see it in Angel's eyes. And, seeing it hadn't squicked Xander, not even a little.

But, they had agreed to start as friends. Maybe stay just friends.

As much as Xander would like to jump at the chance to be loved, really loved, he knew that he and Angel didn't really know each other.

They hadn't bothered to get to know each other, beyond the surface, back in Sunnydale. And they didn't know the men that had become since then. Xander thought they both had probably matured since then. Changed into people they may or may not even like now.

So, they were going to be friends.

Xander could always use more friends. Xander could definitely use more guy friends.

What Xander really wanted, besides love, was a best friend.

Buffy, while he was still her friend, Xander admitted that she hadn't been much of a friend to him lately. Okay, she hadn't been much of a friend to him in a very long time. Sure, they had had times of closeness, like, in those moments before Tara died and the summer Willow was away after she had tried to end the world. But that closeness always passed. And, now, Buffy hadn't said much more than "Hello" to him in over a year. Sure, when he called her or answered the phone when she called the estate, they attempted small talk, but, it was always a short and awkward conversation.

He missed Buffy, missed not just the friend, or the hero that she had been to him. He missed the girl, not the "One Girl In All the World" he missed the girl she had been when he had first known her. The girl who still held on to a bit of her innocence (and not sexual innocence) and playfulness. She hadn't been that girl, since before her mother had died. And the way she was going, she probably would never find that girl again.

Willow, she had been his childhood best friend, and they were still close friends. But, if truth be told, Willow had begun to push him aside, when Buffy arrived on the Hellmouth. When Willow had discovered that boys other than Xander existed, namely Oz, he had been shunted aside even further. When college came for Willow and Buffy, but, not for Xander, he had been relegated even further away. When Tara came along, Xander and the shy witch had bonded over their love for Wills, so Xander had felt closer to Willow through that friendship. That day on the bluffs, when he had stopped Willow from ending the world, he thought he had his best friend back. But, the closeness he had expected had never materialized. And Kennedy, she didn't want Willow to have any room in her life for anyone but her, so Xander was, once again, left in the dust.

He and Dawn had been close, but in a brother sister way, and that was just a different relationship than best friend. There were some things you just couldn't tell your baby sister. No way, no how.

Giles was his father figure, and again with the, "there were some things you just couldn't tell." While he loved Giles like a father, he had no desire to have "the talk" with him. Having Jesse's dad give him and Jesse "the talk" when they were eleven had been embarrassing enough. And don't even get him started on having to give "the talk" to Willow when she was thirteen, because her parents were out of town and they had never bothered to tell her any of that stuff, so she had freaked out when she had gotten her first period and didn't know what was going on.

He and Faith had resolved a lot of their personal crap. They actually, were becoming pretty good friends. And Xander was trying to be the best friend he could be to her, but Faith never let anyone really close. And while they were probably as close as friends that she had ever been, she might never be able to be his best friend. But, he could continue to try, and hey, he had proved before that you could have more than one best friend.

He could see in Angel, the potential to be best friends. Maybe that term was corny, but, it was the only way he knew how to describe it.

He already felt pretty comfortable with Angel, admittedly, that was due to aftereffects of a day he couldn't remember. But, the feeling was still there.

They both had been screwed over by fate and the love thing a time or two….or six.

They both seemed to have struggled, and probably still struggled, with self worth. While Xander had had his parents and others telling him he was useless and worthless, Angel had a conscience and ghosts of the past telling him he was no good. They both could use someone to remind them that it wasn't true.

He wanted to get to know Angel, the real Angel. He wanted to be his friend. He wanted to be his best friend. And yeah, he probably wanted more, but he didn't think he was quite ready for that.

_So, friends, I can do that. _

And who's to say it won't become something else, something more?

Xander smiled tiredly. It had been a long and draining day. As he lay in bed, drifting off to sleep, he thought, _Maybe I'll have one of THOSE dreams, and maybe, I'll get to remember it this time._

Xander rested his head on the broad shoulder of the man who held him close. Luxuriating in the comfort and safety to be found there. He nuzzled a bit against the shoulder before speaking.

"Can we stay here, like this, forever?"

A warm chuckle rumbled from the chest pressed against him.

"Well, we could, but, I think, eventually, our various body functions would make it difficult and embarrassing," was the amused reply.

"Very funny Deadboy," he paused, "I guess I can't call you that anymore. What should I call you now, Liveboy? "

"Or not," came the sardonic reply.

"Or, I could just call you My Love." He said, with an uncharacteristic display of gooey feelings.

"I really like the sound of that," Angel replied," I can't call you "Harris" anymore either. What should I call you? Honey? Sweetums?" Angel teased.

"Uh, that would be a BIG no." Xander grumbled.

"Or, I could just call you Mine." Angel said, filling the endearment with all the love he felt for this amazing man in his arms.


	21. Chapter 20 – Would You Like to See My Et

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 20 – Would You Like to See My Etchings?**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

The next afternoon, Angel heard a tentative knock at his door. He could tell by smell and heartbeat, that it was Xander. He also knew that the boy had stood outside his door for several moments before knocking.

He opened the door, to see Xander shifting restlessly from foot to foot.

_How am I supposed to resist pouncing on him when he does adorable stuff like this?_

"Hey, Angel."

"Xander."

"Uhm, Willow's flight gets in a couple of hours after sunset. I was wondering if, you know, you might, maybe wantagowithmetotheairporttopickherandKennedyup." Xander finished, in full babble mode.

"Breathe Xander." Angel teased. "Now, if I deciphered that correctly, you want me to go with you to the airport to pick up Willow and her girlfriend?"

"No, I asked if you wanted to go with me to pick up Willow and her girlfriend at the airport." Xander muttered.

"Is there a difference?" Angel was befuddled.

"One implies that I want you to go keep me for company, the other implies that you might want to go keep me company, stand bodyguard after dark, and use your super-strength to help carry the massive amount of luggage that follows Kennedy wherever she goes."

"Wow. That really is a difference." Angel teased, not sure whether to be insulted or not, but, unwilling to miss an opportunity to spend time with Xander. "I'd be happy to come provide muscle for your trip to the airport."

"Thanks. I also thought it would jump start us on our friend thing, you know, with the hanging outage."

"Sounds great."

"So, we probably need to leave about an hour before her plane lands, so about 7:00?"

"That sounds fine." Angel replied, happy that Xander was really making an effort at the friend thing.

Xander stood there for a few more moments, not saying anything.

"Was there something else you wanted to ask me?" Angel questioned.

"Well, I, uh, made this present for Willow. I was kinda hoping you could tell me what you think." Xander said nervously

"I'd love to help anyway I can."

"Cool, it's in my workshop out back, if you want to come take a look."

"Uh, sun's still up" Angel pointed out.

"It's England. It rains. I put up a cover for the walkway. You should be fine."

""Let's go."

Angel did make it to Xander's workshop without any problems. When they got inside, he saw several projects that Xander was working on. He was stunned, at the sheer artistry of some of the woodwork and realized that much of the decorative wood in the main house must have been restored by the boy, no, man.

Xander led him over to a workbench that had something covered in a cloth on it.

"Here it is," Xander said, pulling off the covering.

"It's beautiful." Angel said sincerely.

Xander had made a beautiful picture frame, intricately carving sprites and nymphs and other whimsical creatures into the wood.

"The sprites and stuff kinda remind me of Willow, plus they're all magical and stuff." Xander explained hesitantly.

"It's perfect for her, I'm sure she's going to love it." Angel said sincerely. "Do you have a picture to go in it?"

Xander's face turned sad, "We lost most of our pictures when Sunnydale fell and we really haven't had much time together for picture taking, with Willow going all over the world."

Angel shared the boy's sadness and they stood in silence for a few minutes before he remembered something.

"I actually might have something that could work." Angel offered.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I have some sketches that I did, from back in Sunnydale….and afterwards, from memory."

"I thought only Angelus did the drawing thing." Xander said nervously.

"No, I draw. Just, after Angelus, I wasn't really going around showing them off. Kind of like not wearing the leather pants, I didn't want to make you guys uncomfortable."

_The leather pants made me uncomfortable, but not in the way you think. Whoa, were did that thought come from? Bad Xander._

"Sure, I understand," Xander rushed, to get past the naughty thought. "But, I'm not sure Willow wants a sketch of Buffy."

"They'renotjustsketchesofBuffy." Angel muttered.

"What?"

"They're not just sketches of Buffy; I did sketches of all of you. I had a lot of time on my hands back then, at least during the day, and drawing helped me relax." Angel admitted.

"Oh, okay. So, what do you have that might work?"

"Uhm, they are all in my room, bring the frame and glass and we'll see if we have one that fits."

"Cool."

"Is this the cliché, 'come to my room so I can show you my etchings' thing?" Xander teased, as he followed Angel into his room.

"It worked, didn't it?" Angel teased back, enjoying the banter and glad that Xander was comfortable enough to tease about the romance thing.

Xander blushed, "But, I really am here just to look at your sketches."

"If you insist. Here is my book, let me see if I can find something." Angel shuffled through his book for a few moments before he found the perfect drawing. He handed it to Xander.

Xander was in awe, it was beautiful. The sketch was of him and Willow around sophomore or junior year. They were sitting next to each other laughing.

"You're right, it is perfect. Are you sure I can have it?"

"I'm sure. I think it will go perfectly in the frame and I think Willow will love it."

"Thank you….I hate to ask, but do you have anymore of me and Wills….like I said, I lost all my stuff in Sunnydale and I miss having pictures of my friends, especially Willow, during the happier times."

"Why don't I make you a copy of that one? It wouldn't be a problem to re-sketch it and I could probably do that from memory."

"Really? Thanks." Xander said excitedly.

They put the picture for Willow in the frame. It fit perfectly and really worked with the magical theme.

As Angel shuffled around to put his notebook back, a page fell to the floor. Xander leaned down to pick it up.

"Here, you dropped ….." Xander froze, as he stared down at the picture in shock.


	22. Ch 21 – A Picture Worth a Thousand Words

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 21 – A Picture Worth a Thousand Words**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Xander stared down at the piece of paper he held. It was a drawing, of him. A laughing smile, aimed at whoever he was looking at. He looked tousled and it didn't appear that he had a shirt on. He also looked….happy, really happy.

_I can't remember ever being that happy, not even with Wills or Anya._

He looked up at Angel, who looked back at him with a mixture of fear and sadness.

"Is this…." Xander began, not quite sure what he was asking.

"I drew that after, from memory." Angel said quietly, not sure what Xander's reaction would be.

"Did I really look like this?" Xander looked at the vampire, wonder and sadness swirled in him.

"That's what you look like." Angel asked confused.

"No, I mean….the expression on my face. Was it…." Xander was not sure how to ask what he needed to know. He paused, and tried again. "We were really happy weren't we? We were really in love?"

Angel's heart would have stopped beating, had it been beating in the first place. This conversation was so reminiscent of a conversation he had had with Cordy, or whoever had been in Cordy's body, after she came back, when she had become a higher being.

As painful as that conversation had been, this was worse. And he was very afraid that the outcome would be no different.

"Yes, we were. We were so very happy and so very much in love." Angel replied.

"And you let that go? You just walked away?" Xander couldn't understand, before, even with the dreams and the visions, it had all been very abstract, he had pretty much just taken Angel's word for it all. But, seeing his face, looking so happy and in love, made it that much more real. It had all really happened. It was not just dreams and visions and weird feelings. It was real.

Xander had thought he had believed it before, but now he knew that he had had doubts. Honestly, he hadn't thought that he was capable of loving someone that much, of being that happy, of having someone really, truly, love him back.

But, he had, all those things, he had. _And Angel threw it all away. What if I never have any of it again?_

Angel watched the range of emotions cross Xander's face. He took a deep breath and just started talking, hoping whatever this was, it hadn't ruined whatever tentative relationship they had.

"I didn't just walk away. It was the hardest thing I ever did, the hardest decision I ever had to make. I didn't want to let you go. I wanted to hold onto you and never let you go. I still wake up crying when I dream of those last few minutes. I had never been loved like that before, either. When you love someone, you love completely, wholeheartedly. And for one day, I had that. And it was amazing. And then it was gone. And I wanted to walk into the sun, when I looked into your eyes after and saw nothing of what had been there before." Angel struggled to hold back his tears.

"I had never laughed so much or so hard, than I did in that one day, not even when I was human the first time. You made me unbelievably happy, happier than I had ever been. Even my 'moment of true happiness' couldn't compare with the feeling you gave me with just a smile, no sex involved. I have ached for you every moment, of every day, since."

Xander opened his mouth to speak, feeling Angel had just proved his point.

Angel rushed on, not letting Xander speak, "Having said that, let me say this. You are here, alive, and that makes it all worth it. You are worth it. All the pain and sorrow pales in comparison to knowing that you are here, because had I stayed human, you would have died. I'm not sure how or when, but you would be dead. And so would I, because, you can't expect me to walk one more moment in this world if your not in it. All this time, you may not have been mine, but you were alive, and that was enough for me."

Angel stopped speaking and looked at Xander, waiting for his response.

"Did you ever stop?" Xander whispered.

"Stop what?"

"Stop loving me, did you ever stop loving me?"

"No, not even for one moment. When I loved Cordy, I still loved you. When my soul was gone, Angelus still loved you, and my soul, wherever it was, loved you. No matter what happened, that never changed."

"So you love me now?"

"Yes." Angel answered, simply and emphatically.

"And loving me that much, you're willing to settle for just being my friend?" Xander was still reeling, under all that had been said, so, he clung to this one idea.

"I am willing to settle for just being friends." Angel assured.

"Oh." Xander said, not understanding why he was a little disappointed.

"But, I never said I wouldn't hope for more. I never said I wouldn't hope that you could learn to love me back." Angel said, with a smile.

"Oh, okay." Xander was not sure why Angel's words gave him butterflies in his stomach.

Speaking of his stomach, "So, you want to buy me dinner on the way to the airport?"

Angel had whiplash from the subject change, but, was also amused. He knew His Boy would need a little time to process all that had been said. It was just like him to set it aside and move on to more "important" matters, like his tummy.

"Sure, you go wrap Willow's present and decide where you want to eat and I'll go heat up some blood. Come find me in the kitchen when you're ready to go."

"Okay" Xander was a little surprised that Angel had let him change the subject that easily. He gathered up Willow's gift, surreptitiously slipping the picture of himself underneath, for future study.

He headed for the door, but was stopped at Angel's next words.

"Oh Xander, since I'm buying you dinner, does that make this a date?"


	23. Chapter 22 Not A Date

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 22 – Not A Date**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Angel sat in the passenger seat of the SUV, occasionally glancing over at Xander, who was behind the wheel.

"It's not a date." Xander said, for about the bamillionth time.

"Uh-huh." Angel replied, mostly just to mess with the boy's head.

"It's not."

"I know, its just two people, going out to dinner, and one of them is paying. So, as much as it sounds like a date, it's not a date." Angel smirked.

"Are you sure you're not evil?"

"Pretty sure."

"Cause, you're pretty good at the whole torturing me thing, you know, for someone who's not evil."

"I'm a man of many talents." Angel was struggling to hold back his laughter. _His Boy was so much fun._

"It's still not a date." Xander reiterated.

"Got it. Not a date. No matter how much it resembles a date. It's not a date. Even though we are going out to dinner, it's not a date. Even though I will be buying you dinner, it's not a date. Nope, not a date."

"I'm fairly certain I hate you right now." Xander told Angel. "And, the chances that you might get a date in the future, looking purty grim."

That almost sobered Angel up, almost. But, Xander's lips were twitching, so he was almost positive that the boy was enjoying this bit of banter as much as he was.

"Hey, I'm agreeing with you, not a date. What more do you want?" Angel teased.

"Dessert."

"What?" Angel was actually confused now.

"Dessert, I'm being tortured with the date-like similarities this outing holds, I better be getting dessert."

"I think that could probably be arranged." Angel snorted, like he hadn't already been planning on plying the boy with chocolate and ice cream, or a combination of the two.

"Good."

"So, just for curiosities sake, what, exactly, would turn this outing from a non-date to an actual date?" Angel inquired, actually pretty curious to find out the answer.

Xander froze for a moment.

"Well…. If you had asked me, you know, said, "Xander, would you like to go out with me?" and if I had agreed. That would probably have meant datage. We're just going to get something to eat before we pick up Willow at the airport, so, not a date."

"But…you asked me, so that means this could be construed as a date." Angel had the gall to point out.

"I didn't ask you." Xander answered.

"Yes, you did."

"No, not really, I just suggested that you buy me dinner. If I had asked, I would be buying." Xander explained slowly, as if his logic was earth logic.

"So, how come I'm buying again?" Angel asked.

"Because, you are." Xander replied simply, again, logic not really having a place here.

"Oh…..So anything else that makes this a non-date?"

"Well, yeah." Xander replied, in a 'duh' voice.

"What?" Angel was curious to know.

"The fact that there is absolutely no chance for kissage or naughty-touch fun at the end of the evening."

"No chance?" Angel said sadly.

"Well, not much of one. It doesn't seem likely, what with us just being friends, and you know Willow will be there."

"So, not much, does that mean there is a little bit of a chance for kissage or naughty-touch fun?" Angel asked, hopefully.

"Probably not."

"Probably doesn't mean definitely." Angel pointed out.

"Angel, remember, this isn't a date, so, chances for kissage, not so much."

Angel thought about that for a moment, "Xander, would you like to go out for dinner with me?"

"We're already going out to dinner." Xander pointed out.

"Yes, but, now, I'm asking you out to dinner. You said there was difference."

"Oh, I guess I did. Okay Angel, saying I agree, when would you like to go out to dinner?"

"How about right now?" Angel suggested.

Xander couldn't really turn to look at Angel, because he would have to take his eye off the road to do so.

"So, you want to turn this into a date?" Xander asked.

"I'm just trying to up my chances for naughty-touch fun and kissage." Angel teased.

Xander gulped. "I thought we were just going to do the friend thing?"

"Friends can go out on dates." Angel said benignly.

"I guess they can." Xander conceded hesitantly.

"Besides, no one said being friends and having naughty-touch fun, were mutually exclusive."


	24. Chapter 23 Still Not A Date

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 23 – Still Not A Date**

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

They were sitting across from each other in the restaurant. Xander was eating heartily and Angel was picking at the food he had ordered. Angel was wondering if this was a date now.

"It's still not a date." Xander said, in a pause between bites.

_Did I say that out loud? _Angel asked himself.

"I'm not sure if you were wondering or not, so I just wanted to clarify, that this is still not a date." Xander stressed.

_Whew, I guess I didn't say it out loud._

"So how is it not a date this time?" Angel asked.

"Well, I never said yes."

"Huh?" Angel asked eloquently.

"When you asked if I would like to go out, I never said yes."

"Oh." Angel replied sadly.

"Besides, I think we need to give this whole, "let's start by being friends" thing more than a couple of hours, before we move on to the next stage."

"That does make sense, I guess." Angel agreed reluctantly.

"That's me, Xander the Maker of Sense." Xander said, as he leaned back from his plate, having stopped just short of licking it clean.

Angel chuckled, "Do you have tights to go with that superhero name?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Xander teased.

"Actually, I probably would." Angel muttered under his breath.

Seeing that Xander had finished, the waitress removed their plates and asked if they had saved room for dessert. Angel chuckled at the 'Duh' look that Xander shot her.

"There is always room for dessert; the stomach has a chamber reserved solely for dessert, so that no matter how much else you eat, you can still have dessert." Xander explained to her patiently.

They placed their dessert order with the waitress.

"So, even though you're getting dessert, it's still not a date?" Angel asked, teasingly.

"Nope, still not a date." Xander confirmed. "Even with dessert, still not a date."

"Okay." Angel said, dejectedly.

"Although, it's mostly still not a date for reasons of plausible deniability." Xander admitted.

"Again, Huh?" Angel asked in confusion.

"Well, Wills always asks if I've started dating yet. It's like one of the first things she says to me. And, as I'm sure you've figured out, I can't lie to Willow worth crap. So, when she asks if I'm dating anyone, I can say no." Xander explained.

"Oh, so you would be ashamed of dating me?" Angel asked, hurt.

"NO!" Xander realized he had shouted and that everyone in the restaurant had turned to stare at him. He made 'turn back around' motions with his hands until everyone pretty much had turned back around. "I'm just not sure what we are yet, and I'm not really prepared to tell Willow or anyone yet. Because, ya know, Willow is not so good with the secret keeping. Everyone, including Buffy, would know in less than an hour. And I am so not prepared to tell Buffy anything yet, or you know, ever. Are you?"

Angel thought for about half a second on that, "Uh, no. And, I guess I can see where you're coming from with Willow. I really don't want to be dust, now that I've found you again."

"Oh, I'm sure she wouldn't dust you, probably just make an important part of your body fall off." Xander said, nonchalantly. "Kennedy, however, probably would, she takes after Buffy, in the stake first, ask questions later thing."

"Yeah, so, still not a date, because you don't want to tell Willow yet or have to lie to her. I'm behind that." Angel said.

"Speaking of Willow, we probably need to get going." Angel said, glancing at his watch. He signaled for the waitress to bring him the check.

After Angel had paid for dinner, they headed outside to the car.

"So, I have to ask. Do you like Kennedy? I only ask because Spike never really had great things to say about her." Angel queried.

Xander thought for a moment. Should he tell Angel what he really thought? Then, he realized that he fully trusted Angel not to repeat their private conversations to anyone.

"Honestly, she's okay, I guess. Willow likes her. She's kinda got the spoiled little rich girl thing going for her. She also thinks very highly of her own skills and I think, she thinks the whole slayer thing is her due. Like she deserved to be a slayer more than anyone else. And, I'm not sure how she really feels about Willow. I just think she sorta rushed Willow into a relationship. I know it had been almost a year since Tara died, but….I just don't think Willow was ready. Kennedy is beautiful and physically strong. Tara was beautiful, inside and out, she was also brilliant and one of the strongest people I know, maybe not physically strong like Kennedy, but spiritually, mentally and emotionally strong."

Xander was lost in thought, warmed and wounded, by the memories of Tara.

"I guess, bottom line, Kennedy is no Tara." Xander said softly.

"You loved Tara?" Angel asked quietly.

"Sure I loved her, but not romantically. Tara and I, we first bonded over our mutual love for Willow. Then it developed into a friendship. I loved how she always tried to have Willow's best interests at heart. She and I have similar backgrounds, family wise. I mean, mine didn't tell me I was a demon or anything, in fact, they mostly said I was nothing. But, both our families tried to break us, and didn't succeed. She and I were….kindred spirits. Oh God, that was so 'Anne of Green Gables' but, I couldn't think of anything else to describe it. I have really spent waaaaaaaayyy too much time around girls."

Angel had been listening sadly to Xander's explanation, but, chuckled at Xander' horror at having used such a 'girly' phrase. He understood completely about Tara and was glad that Xander had someone like that in his life, if only for a little while.

"So, basically, you put up with Kennedy because Willow seems happy with her?" Angel summarized.

"Yeah, pretty much. Oh, uhm, you might want to be careful of her, I didn't really have time to tell Willow you were coming to the airport with me. So Kennedy won't be prepared to see you, she might….."

"Stake first and ask questions later?" Angel asked in amusement.

"Yeah, that." Xander said, sheepishly.

"So, we are going to the airport to pick up Willow, who has no idea I'm going to be there and might freak out and accidentally set me on fire and Kennedy, who'll probably stake me. And, assuming I survive introductions, I'll be acting as a pack mule, carrying loads and loads of luggage for someone who hates me. Are you sure this is still not a date? Why would I do this, if not for someone I am dating?"

"You do this, because you are trying to get on my good side and because you still feel the need to suffer for your soul." Xander replied breezily.

"Oh, you're also doing this because, although I didn't say yes to this request for a date, doesn't mean I'll say no the next time."

Angel was silent for a moment.

"But, what about Willow?"

"She only asks if I'm dating anyone right off the bat, if we were to start dating after I answered her question, then I wouldn't be lying." Xander explained, in typical Xanderlogic.

"Oh…..So, will you go out with me tomorrow night?"


	25. Chapter 24 Airport

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 24 - Airport**

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Xander looked at Angel, standing next to him, waiting for Willow's plane to land on the private airstrip. For some reason, that Xander couldn't quite remember, he had agreed to go on a date with Angel tomorrow night, with the stipulation, that it not be obvious to the others that it was a date.

Angel looked at Xander, standing next to him, waiting for Willow's plane to land on the private airstrip. He was amazed that Xander had agreed to go out with him tomorrow. Xander had seemed pretty amazed, too. The boy had quickly added a condition, that they couldn't make it obvious to the others that it was a date.

While Angel and his demon both wanted to lay claim to Xander, he knew that the only way he would ever be able to claim the boy as his own, was if he used caution and had patience.

So, they were going out on a date, which meant, according to Xander's explanation, that there was a chance for intimacy, on some level, with Xander at the end of the evening.

Angel took an unneeded breath to calm himself down at that thought.

"Just because we're going out tomorrow, doesn't guarantee you're going to get nooky." Xander said, out of nowhere.

_Damn, the boy is pretty good at reading my thoughts._

"I don't just give it up on the first date. At least, not anymore." Xander informed him.

Angel growled, "Not anymore?"

"Well, Faith and I weren't exactly on a date. And Anya just kinda showed up and said we needed to have sex and since we went to the prom together, it was sort of a second date. And all my other first dates tried to kill me. So, I've vowed that I have to survive the first date, at least, before I even think about sleeping with someone." Xander explained, once again, pretending that his logic, resembled earth logic.

Angel reeled at the information that had just been babbled out at him. "Xander, are you saying you've only slept with two women in your entire life? And all the other women you've gone out with have tried to kill you?"

"Well, I went out with this one girl and her ex-boyfriend tried to kill us both."

_That sounds fairly normal, _Angel thought.

"Of course, her ex was a giant worm at the time, so….."

_Damn, I 'spoke' too soon._

"Back to the, you've only slept with two women, part." Angel said.

"Oh, well, I had a whole lotta sex with Anya, and Faith, for that matter. So, I'm not exactly inexperienced, cause, you know, Anya and Faith, very inventive women. I just haven't had sex with a whole lot of different women." Xander babbled.

Angel really didn't want to hear about His Boy's sex life, especially since it didn't involve him, yet. Wait a minute…."Faith! I thought you just slept together once?"

"Well, she had sorta hooked up with this guy in Sunnydale, Robin Wood. You know, the son of one of the slayers that Spike killed?" At Angel's affirmative nod, Xander continued, "Well, he got hurt pretty bad during the final battle, and we thought he was going to be okay, but while he was in the hospital, he had a pulmonary embolism and died. She took it pretty hard and she needed a friend, and I had just lost Anya, so it just kinda happened. For 6 days. Straight. But, then we decided to just be friends. I love her, but, not in that way and I didn't want to be in another relationship that was based solely on sex, you know. And she deserves to be loved, and in love. She said she didn't have a lot of friends and didn't want to lose her closest one, because of something stupid like hormones. So, it all worked out and she and I are really good friends now. Probably, one of my best friends. In fact, I might tell her about our outing tomorrow, cause she wouldn't tell anybody. She might tease us unmercifully, but she wouldn't tell."

Angel stared as his boy stopped to take a breath, as Xander had barely breathed during that whole explanation.

"Okay, so no longer sleeping with Faith, right?"

"Right." Xander confirmed.

"It's a date."

"Huh?"

"You called it an outing, tomorrow, it's a date."

"Yeah, it's a date. Don't worry, it's not likely that I'll forget." Xander replied.

Angel smiled smugly. Then he reviewed what Xander had said about Faith and something jumped out at him. "SIX days STRAIGHT!"

Xander smirked at Angel. "What? She has slayer stamina and I'd been trained by Anya."

_Six. Days. Straight. How the hell? I'm not sure I can go that long. I'll have to though, won't I? Damn right I will, no slayer is going to outlast me. I'll just have to go for seven. You know, assuming I ever get the chance._

"Oh look, Willow's plane is landing." Xander pointed out.


	26. Chapter 25 Willow

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 25 - Willow**

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Something was definitely going on. She knew it.

Admittedly, it had taken her a little while to see it, but, something was definitely going on.

So, yes, she had been a bit preoccupied, with hoping that Xander wouldn't notice that she was traveling alone, and would therefore, not ask the question. But, of course, Xander had noticed and so, he had asked the question.

"Where's Kennedy?" Xander asked, looking over Willow's shoulder, to see the door to the jet closing.

"Uhm, well, she decided to head to Cleveland. You know, hellmouthy/slayer stuff." Willow hedged.

"She did? Huh? I didn't hear about anything going down there." Xander said, not convinced.

"Okay, Okay, quite badgering me, you want to know, fine. We had a huge fight in Maui and we broke up on the flight back to the states. She went to visit her family, and then she's going to ask Giles for reassignment to Cleveland." Willow babbled, ending in tears.

"Oh Willow." Xander said quietly, as he gathered his oldest friend in his arms. He didn't know what else to say, so he just held her and comforted her, the only way he knew how, by just being there.

"It's really over this time, not like all the other times." Willow sniffled against his shoulder.

"Every time I would talk to one of you on the phone, if it wasn't about business, she would get all pissed off. Like I shouldn't talk to my friends? What's that about? The possessiveness was cool, at first, then it just got old. She told me that I needed to decide if I wanted to be with her or cling to old, rundown friendships."

Xander just hugged her and didn't comment; obviously, she had chosen the 'old rundown friendships' over the snotty slayer.

"Tara would never have made me choose. She always encouraged me to spend more time with you and Bu…" Willow hesitated, knowing that Buffy was a touchy subject for Xander.

"Willow, honey, Kennedy isn't Tara." Xander said, softly.

"I know, and I guess that's part of the problem." Willow admitted. She hugged Xander tighter, mourning her deceased lover and taking comfort in the familiar cuddliness that was Xander.

After a few moments, she backed away and saw, for the first time, that Xander wasn't alone.

"Angel!" She rushed over and hugged the dark vampire, glad to see that he was safe and sound, here in England.

"What are you doing here? I mean, I know why you're here in England, but, I didn't know you were here already and I really didn't expect to see you at the airport." Willow babbled excitedly.

"Breath, little one." Angel said, with a fond chuckle. "We just got here a couple of days ago and Xander drafted me to come be the muscle on his trip to the airport."

"Muscle?"

"You know, it is dark out," Xander defended.

Willow looked at her friend and then broke out in laughter. "I bet you were afraid you'd have to carry all Kennedy's bags by yourself and drafted Angel to do the dirty work."

"Well, the thought may have crossed my mind." Xander admitted, with a smile.

Willow chuckled some more, then grew quiet.

"At least we don't have to worry about Kennedy's luggage." Willow said, trying to lighten the suddenly somber mood.

"At least there is that." Angel offered, with a smile.

"Come on, let's get going, we are seriously cutting into our staying up all night and eating ice cream and talking time." Xander said, ushering them to the SUV and stowing Willow's bags in the back.

As they drove back to the estate, they talked about her trip and recent slayers she had found. This was when Willow began to notice that something was going on.

Angel had offered to drive, sighting his exceptional night vision. Not mentioning, Xander's lack of depth perception, was worse at night.

Willow noticed that Angel kept glancing back in the rearview mirror at Xander, as if he couldn't keep his eyes off her friend. Xander pretended not to notice and studiously ignored the vampire, until he was sure Angel wasn't looking, and then, peeking at him as subtly as someone with one eye, can peek.

Willow was confused, and intrigued. _What was going on? _

Willow knew something was going on. She needed to gather more information. Trouble was, not many people paid attention to what was going on with Xander, beyond the surface. Faith might know, but, her loyalty to Xander pretty much meant that she wouldn't spill. Who else was observant and would be willing to tell her details? Who?

Then inspiration struck. Willow had an idea of who could and would, have the goods.

_Spike!_


	27. Chapter 26 CoConspirators

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 26 – Co-Conspirators**

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Willow stayed up that night, talking with Xander and sharing a tub of cookie-dough ice cream. Angel had excused himself from the festivities, leaving the two old friends to catch up.

Willow was so glad that she and Xander had taken the time to reaffirm their friendship, after Sunnydale. It had surprised her to realize how much she had let is slide over the years. No more. She and Xander were friends forever; she wasn't going to take that for granted, again.

They had both fallen asleep, mid-sentence, during the wee hours of the morning, on Xander's bed. And they had stayed asleep, most of the day. In fact, it was late afternoon when she had woken up and, then woken Xander. They had teased each other about bed-head and morning breath. She had kissed him on the cheek and left to go to her own room and freshen up, not long after.

She had run into Angel in the hallway outside of Xander's room. She was pretty sure he had growled at her after taking in her appearance, aforementioned bed-head and same clothes from the night before. Then he had smiled stiffly at her and greeted her, as if he hadn't just growled at her. They exchanged niceties for a few moments before she left him to go change clothes. When she looked back from her door, at the other end of the hall from Xander's, Angel was still standing there, and it looked like he was just staring at Xander's door.

_Okay, something is definitely going on._

Willow took a quick shower and put on a fresh set of clothing. She quickly blow dried her hair and put on the minimum-required-for-public-viewing amount of make-up.

Then she plotted. First, she needed to figure out what she knew. Second, she needed to go find Spike and find out what he knew. Thirdly, she needed to enlist Spike's help in finding out what the hell was really going on with Xander and Angel.

Willow smiled to herself, this was going to be fun.

Hallway outside of Spike's room.

Willow glanced in either direction down the hallway, to make sure no one saw her, before she knocked on Spike's door.

The door immediately swung open, and Spike grabbed Willow's arm and hauled her into the room.

"Bout bloody time you got here. Thought you were never goin' ta show."

"What?"

"You came in last night, right?"

"Well, yeah." Willow replied, in confusion.

"You musta' noticed something off about the whelp and Peaches. So, I been waitin' all day for you to come find me so we could figure this thing out." Spike said, smugly.

"Okay, yeah, that's pretty much why I'm here."

"So, watcha got?" Spike replied, as he pushed her towards the chair and he sat down on the end of his bed.

"What do you mean?" Willow asked, still reeling from the whole situation.

"Well, sumptin' caught your notice, right? Well, what is it, what'd you see?"

"Well, Angel drove, which was cool, because Xander's night driving is not so good, since his eye."

"Yeah, well. What about it?" Spike asked, not wanting to dwell on the sad issue of Xander's eye.

"Well, they didn't even say anything, Angel offered to drive and they did this whole silent communication thing and Xander just handed him the keys. Since when do Angel and Xander silently communicate?"

"Okay, what else?"

"Well, Angel kept glancing back at Xander in the rearview mirror, and Xander would pretend not to notice, but, I could totally tell that he did notice. Then, when Angel wasn't looking, Xander would peek at him through his eyelashes." Willow said, in a rush.

Spike leaned back, realizing that he had missed the babblespeak that had always been prominent in the Scoobies conversations.

"Well, it's not much, is it?" Spike commented, after Willow caught her breath again.

"Yeah, well, then Xander and I stayed up talking all night. He didn't mention Angel in a snarky way once, not once. And when I left his room this morning….."

"Hold up. You stayed the night with the whelp?"

"Uh-huh, we fell asleep talking. Anyway, I ran into Angel outside of Xander's room, and, uhm, I think, maybe it was just my imagination, but, I think Angel growled at me. Then he pretended that he didn't and made small talk with me for a few minutes. When I went to my room, I turned back and Angel was just staring at Xander's door." Willow finished, taking a deep breath.

Spike stared at the young witch. _Angel had growled at her?_

"He really growled at you?" Spike asked.

"I think so. That's weird, right? Anyway, that's all I have, what do you have?"

Spike looked at Red. His inner "big bad" was rubbing it's hands together in glee. He had found someone to plot with. Unlife was good.

"Well, first all, Angel didn't know about the boy's eye until we got here. I had to tell him what 'appened later and the big pouf was devastated, then angry, I think, when I told him about Buffy not visitin' the poor kid in hospital."

"Oh God. She didn't tell him when she saw him in Sunnydale? Or after?" Willow said, in disbelief.

"Nope. Then he and the whelp took off for a walk together the next evening. Were gone for hours, didn't make it back for dinner, even."

"Xander missed dinner?" Willow said, in shock.

"And, yesterday afternoon, Xander showed Angel his workshop, then they went back to Angel's room for awhile. I couldn't very well stand outside the door listening, Angel woulda known I was there, but there was high emotions comin' from that room. And to top it all, Peaches and the whelp went out to dinner and then to pick you up from the airport." Spike didn't mention that everyone had assumed Snotty Slayer was coming back with them and had been surprised that Willow had come without her girlfriend. Spike was damn curious, but, he didn't want to change the subject.

"Really!" Willow took a moment to absorb all that Spike had said. "Oh, I forgot something!"

Willow reached into the large bag she had set at her feet earlier. She pulled out an object wrapped in a piece of soft cloth. "Xander gave me this last night. He made the frame himself, but, I know he didn't draw the picture. And we didn't have any pictures left after Sunnydale."

Spike took the frame from Willow. The workmanship was beautiful; all the little carvings were perfect for the witch. He examined the picture inside and recognized his sire's work right away.

"That's Angel's work, the drawing. This adds a whole new dimension, doesn't it?" Spike said.

"What do you mean? I know the picture means something, and it being Angel's means something. I just don't know what." Willow admitted.

"Angel has a pretty good memory, but this, this wasn't done from an old memory, this was done soon after the event. Look how precise it is, clothing and everything. You haven't worn your hair like this or worn overalls in years. At least, not in public."

Willow didn't quite know what to think of Spike's knowledge of her wardrobe, so she ignored it and moved on. "So, he drew this back then? I thought Angelus did the drawing thing? Did Angelus draw this?"

"No, luv, both demon and soul have a skill with the arts. Angel probably was afraid you would associate the drawing with Angelus, so he didn't flaunt it in front of you. I don't know where he got that idea, do you." Spike teased gently.

"Sorry, its just, my fish and the other stuff…." Willow blushed.

"S'all right, pet. I get it. Anyway, he must have done the drawing and kept it all this time."

"Xander had to have been working on this frame for awhile, the work is so intricate."

"So, the boy was comfortable enough with the pouf to show him the gift he had made for you…."

"And Angel felt comfortable enough with Xander to show him drawings he had done and kept all these years." Willow concluded.

Spike and Willow looked at each other. They both grinned slyly.

Then they both said at the same time, "They like each other."


	28. Chapter 27 Watching

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 27 - Watching**

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Faith sat back in her chair and watched the people sitting at the dinner table. People watching was something she'd learned from Xander. Way back in Sunnydale, before she tried to kill him, he had taken her to the mall to just sit and watch. She had thought he was crazy, but as the day had passed, she had realized that he might be on to something. They had spent hours watching people and trying to figure out things about them just by watching. Sometimes they just made up stories when someone was just too boring. But, mostly Xander taught her to use body language and other non-verbal clues to guess at what was really going on. Xander had pointed out the man who was obviously not married to the young woman he had been with, the young punks who were gonna get caught shoplifting, and the man who had just been laid off from his job but couldn't face telling his wife, so he came to the food court and just sat at the table poring over the classifieds.

The stuff she'd learned about watching people had been a useful tool in prison. It had saved her neck a few times.

She had also learned something about Xander: he was a lot smarter than anyone gave him credit for. He often took in everything that was going on around him, observing and mentally noting for later.

He was also an ass man. Some guys were breast men, some were leg men, Xander was an ass man. He couldn't quite hide it when a nice butt caught his eye. And not just girl butt. The boy had great taste in guy butt too.

Faith was pretty sure she knew that Xander was bi before he did, or at least before he admitted it to himself.

So, with this information Faith observed Angel watching Xander when he wasn't looking. And Xander watching Angel when he wasn't looking. She also observed Spike and Willow watching Angel and Xander look at each other when the other wasn't looking.

She was pretty sure that Spike and Willow suspected something was going on between Fang and Boytoy. She also was pretty sure that she knew more than they did.

Oh yeah, she had some good info. Like a certain carpenter calling out for a certain vampire in his sleep. _It's a good thing he didn't do that during our little fling, he woulda been dead meat_. She and Xander had fallen asleep watching a movie in his room and she had woken in the middle of the night to Xander's restless mumblings. It hadn't been the kinda calling out like during sex, but like a tender pleading, like something you would say to a loved one that you were never going to see again.

She had watched Angel carefully when she picked him up from the airport and took him to see Xander. His reactions to just Boytoy's name were interesting enough, but the look on his face when he had seen Xander in his eye-patch had been pretty intense.

She had seen Xander and Angel go out the next evening and stay out for hours. She had seen them go to Xander's workshop and come back and visit Angel's room, then go out to dinner before picking up Willow.

She had watched them hang out together in the week since Angel arrived and their behavior was confusing to say the least. Sometimes they would be awkward with each other, like teenagers who just realized they liked each other, but didn't know what to do next. Every once in awhile, they would lean in to each other or touch each other in a way that was so natural, organic even, like two lovers who had been together forever.

She figured Spike and Willow probably wouldn't ask her what she knew, because they knew that she wouldn't give up the goods.

Unless it was for a good cause.

And there wasn't no better cause then her boytoy's happiness. So, the question was, were Spike and Willow trying to harm or help? She would have to watch a little more to be sure.

Faith shifted her attention back to Xander and Angel, who were sitting next to each other and very obviously not touching. Angel had actually eaten human food, something he apparently hadn't made a habit of before, judging from Spike's reaction to this and her own memories of time spent with Angel.

She was used to Spike eating food, back in Sunnydale he had seemed to revel in trying to gross out the humans by dunking various food items in his blood and …..

_What the hell was that?_

Angel had just reached over and taken a piece of broccoli from Xander's plate and put it on his own, then taken a piece of his chicken and placed it on Xander's plate. Xander nodded and smiled in thanks absently, like it was a common occurrence.

And broccoli? Was that part of Angel's penance?

Faith shot a look over at Spike and Willow to see if they had noticed. Okay, I guess they did. Willow was making like a fish and Spike was smirking speculatively.

She looked back at Xander and Angel and caught Xander looking at her, a brow raised in question. She nodded towards his plate, then Angel's. He looked down and blushed when he realized what she had noticed. He looked back up at her, pleading a bit with his eyes, silently asking her not make a big deal about it. She tilted her head towards Spike and Willow, who still had the same expressions on their faces. Xander sneaked a peek in that direction then met her eyes again, this time with resignation instead of pleading. Then he mouthed the word 'later' and turned his attention back to the conversation Giles and one of the European slayers were having about some historical crap and how it was probably really a demon thing.

Faith turned back to Spike and Willow and caught their eyes, she raised one eyebrow and they both broke eye contact for a moment. Willow was the first to re-establish the gaze and raised her wrist with the watch on it. Faith realized that she wanted to talk 'later' too and gave her a brief nod. Spike caught her eye and raised a snarky eyebrow at her. Faith let her eyes go arctic with menace; Spike smirked a little and tried not to shiver in fear. He then gave her a nod to show that the message had been received, _Mess with my boytoy and you're gonna beg me to stake you._

Faith nodded at both of them and turned her attention back to Angel and Xander, who were apparently having a silent conversation of their own using eyebrows and head jerks in the direction of her, Spike and Willow. They both nodded to each other, then Xander caught Faith's eye again.

A moment later, the message had been sent and received, _You don't worry about a thing boytoy, I'll take care of those two._


	29. Chapter 28 So, Do We Tell All?

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 28 – So, Do We Tell All?**

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Xander heard the knock on his door and got up to go answer it. He opened the door to find Angel standing on the other side.

"Can I come in?" Angel asked.

"Sure," Xander replied.

Angel entered the room and sat on the edge of Xander's bed. "So, what was that whole thing at dinner about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Willow and Spike watching us and Faith watching us and them? You and Faith having a whole silent conversation?" Angel said.

"Oh, I think Spike and Willow know something is going on and are trying to watch us to figure it out. I know Faith knows something is going on and is watching us to figure it out and watching Spike and Willow to make sure they don't interfere and 'cause she thinks they're funny" Xander explained.

"Why don't they all just ask what's going on?" Angel asked in confusion.

"Well I'm not sure about Faith, but I think Spike and Willow are like, 'why just ask?', when they can sneak around and play detective; it's more fun that way. And I'm pretty sure Faith is going to ask me what's going on."

"What are you going to tell her?" Angel asked.

Xander didn't immediately respond, because he wasn't sure. Should he tell her about the lost day thing? Should he tell her they were dating? Should he tell her that Angel was in love with him?

"I'm not sure what to tell her. We could just say we're friends and that we've started dating. But, I think it's pretty obvious that something more is going on, but I….what do you think? Do you want anyone to know about that day?" Xander asked.

"I think that if you feel comfortable with her knowing about it, you should tell her. You said she has become one of your closest friends? Maybe you need someone else to talk to about this whole situation, a confidant. It might help you to have someone to hash this out with, besides me. I could possibly be a bit biased in my opinion of what you should do," Angel said with a smile.

Xander returned his smile. He recognized that, as a vampire, Angel's first instincts would be to just take what he wanted, and damn the consequences. It meant a lot to Xander that Angel would give him time to think about their possible relationship and his feelings about what had happened, or what Angel had made unhappen.

"However, I'm a little concerned about her reaction. I mean, when I told Cordy, she verbally ripped me a new one. I'm afraid Faith might not just do the verbal part," Angel said with a slight smile.

Xander smiled in remembrance of his ex, "Cordy sure had a way with words."

Angel chuckled, "That she did."

"I miss her."

"Me too," Angel said sadly. "When she appeared to me before she died, she told me, among other things, that I should make things right with you. But only if I never did something stupid like walk away from you again."

"So, Cordy was okay with the idea of us?" Xander asked.

"Cordy thought that you were the best thing that ever happened to me and that I was the worst fool and bastard for letting you go," Angel said.

"I bet she used a lot more words than that," Xander smirked.

"Oh yeah, many more and colorfully threatening words," Angel said with a laugh.

Xander opened his mouth to comment on that, but was interrupted by a sharp knock on the door.

Faith pushed past him into the room when he opened the door.

She didn't seem all that surprised to see Angel.

"Faith, so nice to see you, would you like to come in?" Xander said sarcastically. He closed the door and flashed her a smile to show that he wasn't mad.

"So, are you and Fang bumpin' uglies?" Faith asked without preamble.

Xander choked at the question, while Angel just laughed.

"No, we are not," Xander said when he could.

"Not for lack of trying on my part," Angel said almost, but not quite, under his breath.

Xander glared at him and Faith just chuckled.

"Seriously, what's going on with you two?" Faith asked. She pushed Xander to sit down next to Angel, then pulled out the desk chair and turned it around, straddling it backwards. It sorta felt like an interrogation was about to begin.

"Well, it's a long story," Angel said.

"Long time ago, Angel and I fell in love, then everyone but him forgot about it and now he wants me back," Xander said.

"Okay, apparently not that long. But there is a little more to it than that," Angel said with an indulgent smile.

Faith caught the smile, then focused on Xander's words. "Okay, I want the full story, leave nothin' out."

"Well, Angel remembers it, so he should probably tell you," Xander said, not at all ashamed of putting his suitor in the hot seat.

Angel gave his boy a playful growl for setting him up, then turned to Faith and began telling her the tale of the day that time forgot.


	30. Chapter 29 Beans Spilled?

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 29 – Beans Spilled?**

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Faith was pissed off, to say the least.

Angel had just finished telling her about the missing day and the events of the last few days. She stood up and began to pace; she was trying not to just react, she wanted to actually think before she spoke or did something they would all regret.

_How could he do that to Xander? How could he just watch him walk away? _

Xander was the best man she knew, and to think that he could have been happy all this time and was robbed of that made her very angry.

She could understand why Angel had chosen to take back the day, but not why he hadn't told Xander the truth about what had happened right away. She knew Xander, he had always had a bit of a thing for Angel and he would have believed Angel and given him a chance.

Angel and Xander were sitting next to each other on the bed, watching Faith go from one end of the small room to the other. They were both a little afraid of the brunette slayer's reaction.

"Boytoy, do you believe him? Is it true?" Faith asked.

"With the dreams and the gut reactions, I would have to say, yeah, it's true," Xander answered honestly.

"And you're gonna give him another chance?" Faith asked.

Xander looked at her, and then looked at Angel for a moment. Angel looked back, concerned about the answer.

"He means it, Faith. He really cares about me and wants to be with me. Me. I'm not just a convenience, he doesn't want me cause I'm here and there's no one else. He wants me. He loves me. So, yeah, I'm gonna give him another chance. But we're taking it slow. I don't want to rush into anything," Xander answered honestly.

Faith didn't take offense at his words; they had worked through their issues a long time ago. This wasn't about her, it was about him, and how he was feeling.

"Okay, since Willow isn't here to give you the shovel speech, I'll deliver my own version. You hurt him, you abandon him, or pull any of this memory crap with him again, and your trip to hell and your time at the bottom of the ocean will look like freakin' trips to Paradise compared to what I will do to you. Got it?" Faith said.

Angel swallowed visibly. "Yes, Faith, I understand. Thank you for being such a good friend to him. I have no intention of being separated from him again."

Xander smiled at both of them.

"So, are we going to tell Spike and Willow?" Angel asked.

Faith and Xander shared a smirk before Faith replied, "Not yet, we'll let them sneak around for awhile, feel them out about their reaction, then spring it on them later."

Angel chuckled_. Let Spike and Willow have their fun, maybe it will keep them out of trouble. Maybe._

The next day

Spike and Willow cornered Faith after a training session with some of the baby slayers.

"So, what'd they say?" Willow said.

Faith looked them over slowly, smirking a little at seeing them both practically bouncing with curiosity. "What d'ya mean?"

"Don't play dumb with us, we know you had a confab with Angel and Xander in their room yesterday," Willow said, with Spike nodding in agreement.

"You spyin' on me?" Faith said with a growl, enjoying tormenting the two.

"No, of course not, we were just….." Willow began.

"No, we were spyin' on the two poufs, you silly bint," Spike said baldy.

He received an elbow in his ribs from a little red-headed witch for his trouble.

Faith snorted.

"Yeah, I talked to them. What of it?" Faith said, drawing the torture out a little.

"Did they tell you what's goin' on?" Spike asked.

"Maybe."

Willow couldn't take it anymore, the pressure of her curiosity was too much and she yelled, "Don't maybe me, missy, tell me what I want to know!"

Both Faith and Spike just stared at her. Willow blushed to the roots of her hair.

"Sorry, I was in the moment. I didn't mean to shout."

Faith and Spike snorted in unison, then looked at each other suspiciously when they realized it. The suspicious looks soon turned to leers, which might not have been intentional, since it seemed to be the natural look for both leather enthusiasts.

"So? What'd they say?" Willow said, breaking the moment.


	31. Chapter 30 Art & Lorne

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 30 – Art and Lorne **

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Angel sat in a chair in the corner of Xander's workshop. He found that he enjoyed watching Xander work in this room that was more his own than the room he slept in. Angel thought briefly about offering to help, but realized quickly that this was Xander's art, the way sketching was his. Plus, you know, wood and vampire… non-mixy things.

So, Angel sketched in his chair in the corner of Xander's workshop while Xander worked on whatever projects he had at the moment.

"What are you drawing over there?" Xander asked, breaking Angel from his reverie.

"The look on Willow's face when I growled at her in the hallway," Angel said with a chuckle.

Xander groaned, "I still can't believe you did that. We just fell asleep talking, we've been doing that since we were in pre-school and still had to take naps."

If Angel could have blushed, he would have.

"I know, but I'm a vampire, we're possessive," Angel said.

"You can't play the 'but I'm a vampire' card in every situation, you know," Xander said with a slight smile of exasperation on his lips.

"What are you working on?" Angel asked in a not so subtle attempt at changing the subject.

Xander shook his head, letting the vampire slide, this time.

"Promise you won't laugh?" Xander said.

Angel's curiosity was now piqued. "I promise, what are you making?"

"I'm making Spike a bookshelf. I know he pretends to be all tough guy, gutter-snipe, but I figured out awhile back that he's actually upper-middle class and educated. I'm sure you know that he loves to read, even if he won't admit it to anyone."

Angel chuckled at Xander's assessment of Spike; it was all true.

"Why would I laugh at you making Spike a bookcase?"

"Because I'm going to show you what I'm using for the feet and as handles for the doors. I'm putting doors on it so he can hide his books from unsuspecting eyes," Xander admitted.

Angel stared down at the items Xander had placed on the table and threw his head back and laughed, long and hard.

"You promised not to laugh," Xander accused with a pout.

"Xander, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing because it's perfect. No once else would come up with the idea of using old railroad spikes as decorative feet and handles on a bookcase. Spike is going to love it," Angel said.

"Really? It's not too much?" Xander asked.

"No, it's just right," Angel assured him.

Xander opened his mouth to say something more when Angel's coat started ringing.

Angel pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at it for a moment, trying to remember which one was the on button.

Xander patiently took the phone from his hand, pushed the correct button and handed the phone back to Angel, who smiled sheepishly in thanks.

"Hello?"

"Angel?"

"Lorne? Is that you?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line.

"Yes Angelcakes, it's me. I thought I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with you after…" Lorne trailed off.

Angel winced. "I'm sorry Lorne, I should never have asked you to do that to Lindsey. It was wrong of me and I have regretted it ever since."

There was another moment of silence before Lorne cleared his throat and said, "My contact told me you needed to talk to me about something important?"

"Yes, I was hoping you could help me out. You're the only link I know of to the Powers That Be and….."

"I'm out of the crime fighting business Angel," Lorne said abruptly.

"It's not exactly business, it's sort of a personal matter," Angel admitted.

"What do you mean?" Lorne asked, intrigued.

"Well, there's this guy Xander and a few years ago…."

"Xander? Isn't he the one Cordelia told me about?"

"Uh, probably," Angel answered, not really shocked that Cordy had confided in Lorne.

"What about him?"

"You know about the day and how it got taken back?" Angel asked, not sure how much Cordy had told Lorne.

"Yes, Miss Thing told me all about it," Lorne replied.

"He's starting to remember. I guess he had dreams all along, that he didn't remember once he woke up, but now he does and…" Angel proceeded to fill Lorne in on the events surrounding Xander's dreams and the shared flashback.

"And you want to know why, when he shouldn't remember anything, right?" Lorne asked.

"Pretty much."

"Where are you?" Lorne asked.

"Huh?"

"I can't really give you a good read over the phone, so where are you, I'll come to you."

"So you'll help?" Angel asked in surprise.

"Of course, but I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for the boy. And for Cordy," Lorne said softly.

Angel gulped. "Thank you. We're in England, outside of London, we'll send a plane for you."

"I'll see you in a few days then," Lorne said before disconnecting the call.

Angel turned to look at Xander who was watching him anxiously.

"He's coming here, he's going to help?" Xander asked, wanting assurance, even though he had followed Angel's side of the conversation.

"Yes, he'll be here in a few days and hopefully we'll find some answers," Angel answered as he stepped into Xander's open arms.

He hoped that this also gave him a chance to repair his friendship with Lorne, hoped it wasn't too late to try.


	32. Chapter 31 Lorne

Title: **I Finally Remembered You. Part 31 - Lorne**

Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters

Pairing: Xander/Angel

Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in "I Will Remember You" Years later, he finally keeps his promise.

Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats

Warnings: M/M, mild language, more in future chapters

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Words in _Italics_ indicate thoughts.

Lorne sat alone in the passenger area of the private jet, drinking a Seabreeze and wondering what in the hell he was doing.

He had promised himself that he and Angel were through, yet the first time Broodycakes called, here he was flying halfway across the world. _I wonder if this hero business is addictive and that's why no one ever really gets out of the fight. _

He felt the plane begin to land and mentally steeled himself for whoever was waiting for him.

He was a little surprised when it turned out to be Faith and Gunn, and even more surprised when they both hugged him within an inch of his life (assuming he could die, which he was pretty sure he couldn't).

The hugs were returned with equal enthusiasm.

"So, Big Green, how was Vegas?" Faith asked.

"Vegas was good, Sweetcheeks," Lorne replied.

"You're lookin' good man, rested and all that shit," Gunn said with a smile.

"You're not looking to bad yourself, Sweetness. How are you doing?" Lorne asked.

"I still got some aches and pains now and again, but I'm doing pretty good," Gunn replied, his eyes glazing a bit as he remembered his long recovery from the Black Thorn beat down.

"My man G here is a pretty decent sparring partner, reminds me of fightin' on my old stompin' grounds," Faith said with a chuckle at her fellow street kid.

"Is it the way that I get my ass kicked by little girls that brings back the memories?" Gunn said good-naturedly.

"Naw, it's the fightin' dirty that makes it feel like old times," Faith teased back.

Lorne watched his friend and the dark slayer banter flirtatiously and was glad that Gunn had found a friend in this foreign land. Glad that his former colleague had survived to make friends. He hoped that this girl would help him get over the loss of Fred and Wesley.

"So, let's get goin' so we can make it back in time for lunch. I finally convinced Geekboy to stop namin' his food after sci-fi crap, so I can enjoy lasagna without havin' to call it Klingon somethin' or other," Faith said as she hurried towards her SUV.

Lorne flashed Gunn a questioning look and received a good natured eye roll in response.

"Andrew, their cook and mini-watcher, you met him back in L.A. He's a big sci-fi fan, has a Klingon cookbook and all that crap. And no, he's no less annoying once you get to know him," Gunn supplied.

As they drove, Faith kept looking over at Lorne.

"What can I do for you, Pumpkin?" Lorne asked with exasperated fondness.

"Angel told you what's the what?" Faith asked.

Lorne glanced back at Gunn, remembering Angel mentioning that only a few people knew the whole situation.

Catching his glance, Faith assured him, "Xander told me to fill Gunn in, so he knows."

Lorne thought it was interesting that the girl who had so zealously fought for Angel a few years ago, didn't mention the vampire giving her permission to speak freely, only the boy. It made him wonder whose side she was on, and if there were even sides to choose.

"Xander's my boy, I got his back. Angel too," Faith said.

Lorne saw Gunn in the rearview mirror, nodding his head in agreement.

"Xander's a good guy, loyal as all hell," Gunn said simply.

"Cordy told me about what happened years ago, she thought it might come up, with my connection to the Powers. She said this kid was one of the good ones. She really admired him. Princess was no dummy," Lorne said.

They drove in silence for a few miles before Gunn spoke up. "Angel's more like the guy he was when I first met him, except… happier. I actually heard him laugh the other day. And he teased Spike about something. Not smacked him or yelled at him, just teased him. It was some creepy twilight zone shit."

Faith laughed. "Boytoy is good for Fang, I ain't never seen him laugh before he came here. And I think Broody is good for X, too. He doesn't seem so sad anymore."

Gunn nodded in agreement.

Lorne wondered silently about the young man he was about to meet. From the stories he'd heard from Wes and Cordelia, as well as from Faith, the boy was either a bumbling idiot or a knight in shining armor, depending on the moment.

He would like to pretend that Xander Harris was the only reason he had come to England. But he had never been truly successful at lying to himself. He missed his friends. Missed being part of a group that fought for the greater good. He'd begun missing that since before they had started working for Wolfram and Hart.

Lorne had heard that the New Watcher's Council was actually doing good work. Fighting the good fight, and he wanted to be part of that again.

And he wanted to be part of a family again.


End file.
